The Meaning Behind a Tattoo

A couple days ago I drove to my mentee's house to pick him up, and he walked out of his house with his jacket only covering one arm. He had a big smile on his face and he was nodding approvingly while looking down at his arm. As he got in my car, I could see that he had a huge tattoo on his forearm. He had just got it the day before so it was still sore and covered with a special oil to help it heal. He looked over at me and said, "What do you think, Mr. B?"

I questioned in that moment how I should respond. My mentee has never known his father, and the two older men in his life who he looked up to, his brother and his uncle, were killed this past summer. I am now one of the only consistent male figures in his life, so I try to view that role with a lot of care. I didn't say anything to him at first. No lectures about how tattoos are permanent. No speeches about morals, or about what future employers might think. I didn't think to refer him to books or articles on the subject of tattoos. I didn't give any hint of disappointment or disapproval. I broke the silence by asking, "Can I get a closer look at that thing? Tell me about it. What does it mean?" He said, "The initials are my brother's who died last summer. The dates are his birthday and the day he died. And the big cross is there because my bro is with Jesus." I have been helping him through the grieving process with his brother's death, and I have been encouraging him to open up about the emotions he has been dealing with. I guess I wasn't expecting that to happen in the form of a tattoo, but it seemed appropriate to him to get one in honor of what would have been his big brother's 19th birthday. After his explanation about the tattoo, I just smiled at him and said, "That's really nice. Tell me a little more about your brother." And a great conversation followed.

Mentors play an important role in the lives of our mentees. We are friends. We are role models. We are people that kids can open up about things with. We are not in charge of fixing kids, or their problems. We are not parents. We are not their boss. And we are definitely not the tattoo police. We are not responsible for trying to make our mentees conform to our values. We are not in charge of changing them. LAMP mentors are in our our mentees lives to show them Christ's amazing, profound, spectacular, life-changing love. We listen a lot. We love a lot. And with that perspective of humility and service, God is able to work through us. And that's what mentoring is all about.

Justice Resolutions

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Isaiah 58.  Verses 6-7 are as follows:

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not turn away from your own flesh and blood?

In The Hole in Our Gospel Richard Stearns writes, "These words describe a people and a society characterized by justice, fairness, and a concern for the poor.  They portray not just a personal ethic but also a community ethic.  The reference to 'break(ing) every yoke' suggests that any system, law, or practice that is unjust must be broken - whether personal, social, political, or economic."

As we set personal goals and resolutions for ourselves in 2011, let us not forget that life is not all about our selves.  God has a role for every Christian to act justly on behalf of people in need in our own neighborhoods, our own cities, and around the world.  We are all called to give ourselves away to others for the sake of God's purposes.

The Transformational Role of the Church in Society

I really enjoy being a part of making individual mentoring matches between people from my church and kids in Homewood. I know each match has the potential to transform the lives of both the mentors and the mentees. I have tremendous hope that God will work through each match. However, I also know there is much more potential for my church to impact Homewood, the city of Pittsburgh, and the world!  God has designed his Church to be the hope of the world, and when we fail to live out that mission then we fall short of the plans God has for the church.

In The Hole in the Gospel, Richard Stearns writes, "It's important to understand why churches are so strategically important to carrying out the mission that Jesus described in Luke 4, of bringing the good news of the kingdom of God to the whole world. As individuals, we all have an important role to play in demonstrating the gospel through our lives. We can pray, give, volunteer, and become effective personal ambassadors for the gospel. However, our greatest power to change the world is released when we come together in collective action to organize and focus the resources of the whole body of Christ. A church of one thousand members can have a much more powerful impact by harnessing the power of the whole than its individual members can have acting alone. God established the institution of the Church as a key strategy for building His kingdom and for leading the social revolution required by the gospel - 'on earth as it is in heaven' (Matt. 6:10). Said another way, without the collective and organizing power of churches, the ability of Christians to impact the world is greatly compromised."

December

December is always an intense time to work at a church, and this year has been no exception at North Way.  I have learned that LAMP is particularly busy at this time of year because many LAMP families have needs and people are very interested in helping to meet those needs at this time of year.  As an urban ministry practitioner, December requires me to creatively use my leadership skills and it sometimes tests my cross-cultural relationship building abilities.  The outcomes are generally great, but the work is heavy at this time of year.  I also have a research paper due at the end of December for the DMin, so I've been moving pretty fast lately.

When things are busy or stressful for me as an urban ministry leader and student, I have had to learn how to take care of myself and manage my time.  But most importantly, at these busy times I have learned the importance of being led by God instead of trying to control my circumstances or lead myself.  I often fail at yielding control of ministry activity to God, but I'm trying to become more patient and willing to wait on God's timing.  Today God actually came through in an amazing way in several areas.  It was remarkable!!!  I was tired and worn out, and God intervened and opened up some amazing doors.  As a result, Homewood families will be supported in some amazing ways.  And, today I had the opportunity to have some exciting conversations about God with a few of my mentees.

The bottom line is... when things get difficult and we don't know how things are going to get done, that's usually when God comes through.  I believe that God loves to come through for us in ways that we can never understand.  But we must be willing to give up control and be patient in order for God to be in control of our lives.

Equipping Ourselves to Impact Youth

Today should be a fun day.  This morning I'm working on research for my dissertation, and then this afternoon I'll be spending time with five LAMP kids.  We were hoping to go snow tubing, but I just found out that the place we were planning to go is not open for the season yet.  I'm sure we'll still find something fun to do together, though.

It's important for people who work with at-risk youth to prepare themselves by being up to date on the latest strategies and youth development models.  Most people probably won't prepare themselves by doing a doctorate degree, but it's still important to look at the research that is out, read lots of books and articles, and discuss those findings with colleagues. 

Then, go spend time with kids to work those ideas out in context.  By the way, the most important thing we can all do to equip ourselves to reach at-risk youth is spend time in the Bible and connecting with God in the best ways that we know to do that.  Knowledge is just knowledge if we don't apply it to life, and reading the Bible to learn more about God is just a bunch of knowledge about God if we don't work that knowledge out in our lives.

It's All About God and Relationships

Recently a kid from Homewood asked me, "Mr. B. Why did you move to Homewood?"  I found myself kind of fumbling for an anwer.  I didn't think that he would understand that I am applying incarnational leadership principles in order to contribute to the process of transformation in Homewood.  Urban ministry models raced through my brain, and I could have talked about so many aspects of the calling that God has given our family to reach people in Homewood.  Eventually, I just answered "Well, we moved here because of the relationships we have with you guys (our mentees) through LAMP.  We wanted to be closer to all of you... to experience what you experience... to be closer to you in case you need us... in short, we just want to be better mentors."

I moved to Homewood for many different reasons.  I love the relationships I have with the kids in Homewood.  I love Pittsburgh.  I love Homewood.  I want to be obedient when God asks me to do something.  I want to be a more effective leader.  I want my life to be real.  I want to take risks.  I want to give myself away for others.  But at the end of the day, my move to Homewood was not about me.  I am not a savior, nor do I ever want to try to be or have other people consider me to be one.  I'm just an ordinary guy.  In fact, I'm nothing without Christ.  And so my move to Homewood is all about about Jesus.  More than anything, I want my young friend to know that Jesus loves him and has a plan and purpose for his life.  And the best way I know how to get that message across to him is by entering his context.  After all, Jesus is moving in his neighborhood in many different ways.  I have chosen to simply join the work that God is doing in Homewood.

How Should Church Leaders Spend Their Time?

I listened for a little while last night to a Christian preacher on the radio.  He made the comment that studying and sermon preparation are extremely important to pastors... so important that people should not bother pastors during the week because they are simply being selfish and cutting into the pastor's study time.  This particular pastor said that he spends at least 24 hours in his office studying for his sermons every week.  He is a very good communicator, and one can tell that he spends a lot of time preparing to preach from the Bible. I can appreciate some good, undistracted study time (I have to force myself to do that sometimes while working on a doctorate degree).  However, this preacher's comments didn't sit well with me.  For some reason there is a mindset out there that church leaders should be sitting at a desk Monday through Friday to be effective.  There is a mindset that church leaders should be sheltered or protected from being with people because that requires too much relational capacity.  For some reason there is a mindset at churches that the Christian experience is about Sunday mornings, and that everything that happens during the week is simply planning for programs and preaching at a building.

I believe that church leaders should spend very little time sitting at their desks doing emails or studying.  Instead they should be out and about visiting with people, both people who go to their church and people who are not Christians.  Church leaders should be expected to have a lot of relational capacity... we shouldn't be guarded from being with people.  I believe theology is hashed out in context, on the streets and in people's homes and at their jobs.  Those are the places that Christian leaders should be spending their time.  The Christian life is not only played out on Sunday mornings.  The Christian life is every day, all day, in messy, complex environments.

I was thinking to myself how absurd that pastor's comments were in light of my experiences as a church leader over the last three or four days.  On Sunday evening one of the kids from my neighorhood was arrested.  His mom and brothers were very upset, so Julie and I dropped what we were doing (mostly resting after church in the morning and mentoring in the afternoon) and we went over to their house in Homewood to see how we could support the family.  Julie ministered to the mom and helped to calm her down while I did my best to try to deescalate two of the brothers (15 and 17 years old) who wanted to go fight the boys who they thought had been responsible for getting their brother arrested.  I spent time with those boys for a couple hours on Monday morning and most of Monday evening (we had them over for dinner).  So much for the study time I had set aside for Monday evening... I instead spent that time with my young friend who was released from the youth detention center that afternoon.  We talked about the next steps in his case, and how I could support him at his court hearing.  After the kids from the neighborhood left on Monday night, I received a call that one of our LAMP families was in desperate need and I would have to change the plans I had for early Tuesday morning in order to engage and support them in their situation.  They were on the brink of being homeless, so we offered for them to stay at our house if needed. I think we may have bought them some more time, and we're working on helping them get into stable housing.  Still, I spent Tuesday morning in their living room supporting the LAMP mentee and his mother.  Tuesday night it was very cold and snowing outside, but many kids still wanted to go to our weekly Tuesday night basketball league at the YMCA in Homewood.  So I drove around all over the place picking up kids who had the farthest walk to get to the Y.  In spite of the weather tons of kids showed up to play basketball, eat pizza, pray together, and hear the gospel message.  "Church" was happening on a cold Tuesday night in Homewood at a basketball gym... and I didn't even have to study in my office for 26 hours to prepare!

I am not trying to point at my life and say that I have everything all figured out about how to be a church leader.  There are many different roles in the Church.  I just play one small part.  However, I do believe strongly that Christian leaders should be out in the world, not just on Sunday morning, mixing it up relationally with all kinds of people (not just other Christians or people who go to our churches).  Church leaders, especially urban church leaders, should treat their cities and neighborhoods like a parish.  We should head out of our offices and into the streets, homes, hospitals, schools, and businesses in our area.  "Church" happens throughout the week, too.  We should not turn our spirituality on and off, or over progam ourselves for Sunday morning experiences so that we don't have time throughout the week to doing anything other than prepare for sermons or plan program activity.

Urban Ministry with a Family

People are often curious about how Julie and I raise our family in Homewood, and how we do ministry together as a family.  We do not by any means have family life all figured out, and there are many challenges that come with urban ministry.  But our work together in Homewood has been a tremendous blessing for us as a family, and I know that we are right where God wants us to be.  He may call us to go somewhere else some day, but for now we're really loving where we live and the work with youth that God has called us to.

In his book Restoring At-Risk Communities, John Perkins suggests some key elements of doing ministry as a family. Here they are:

• When God calls you into Christian community development, he calls you as a family.  You cannot separate your ministry from the rest of your life.  If you try, those who share your life will suffer and so will your service.
• A husband and wife must have a unified vision and must support each other in their individual roles.  The two must keep their relationship solid and affirm each other continually in their mutual contribution to the ministry.
• It's great when both spouses hear God's call together, but many times one may hear the call more clearly than the other.  This is when trust and mutual submission become important.
• A home is not a house or a place or anything immovable.  Home is a condition of the spirit.  We must be able to let go of places and property when the Lord calls us and carry our "home" to the next location.
• It may be cliche, but it's still true: the family that prays together stays together.  Teach your children to love God and to serve him, so that they can grow into the same commitment to people and to ministry that drives their parents.
• Relocation is more than moving into a community.  It means taking on the problems and concerns of that community.  My neighbors' needs are my needs, and their struggles are my struggles.
• Suffering for the sake of the gospel is a privilege, and some may be ready and willing to do it.  But parents must also be ready to allow their children to suffer for the gospel, especially if it serves the community.
• Christian community development may present challenges to the health, safety, and emotional well-being of the family.  But by relying on God, families can overcome these obstacles as a unit and reap miraculous benefits.
• The family is at once a defense and a weapon against the very forces that are seeking to break down our communities.
• As you count the costs of community development, don't forget to count the blessings.

An Evening of Ice Skating

Last night one of my mentees celebrated his 16th birthday.  I picked up four of his friends who are also in LAMP, and we had a great evening of fun together.  We went out to eat at my mentee's favorite restaurant, and we went ice skating at the North Park ice skating rink.  I started taking this group ice skating when we first began hanging out together five years ago, and they always want me to take them there.  It's kind of one of those funny things where my mentees have become infatuated with ice skating.  They're actually getting pretty good at it (not that I'm an expert on judging ice skating talent).

I'm not very good at ice skating, so when I take them I generally take a few awkward laps around the rink to get everyone going and then I kind of hang out on the side rail or inside in the heated space to watch them.  I love doing that now, because I have great one on one discussions with my mentees at the skating rink.  Usually one at a time they come over to me to rest and watch their friends, so we chat about all kinds of stuff.  We talk about whatever is on their minds... girls, school, college, jobs, driving, music, etc.  Those moments capture the magic of mentoring for me.  Kids really open up about their lives when they are in a relationship with someone they trust, and when the conversations are not programmed or staged in a sterile counseling office or school classroom.

Another important thing to remember is that although I do connect with my mentees when I take them out of their environment in Homewood, I also make sure to spend just as much, if not more, intentional time connecting with them in Homewood... in their schools, in their homes, in the streets, at places like the YMCA, in my home, and so on.  Some people may criticize LAMP because our mentors take mentees out of their environment to have fun, but LAMP mentors also enter into their mentees' environments to spend time with them on their turf.  I think that philosophy is key to the LAMP strategy for reaching kids in Homewood.  I have seen many well-intended programs fail to reach at-risk youth because the leaders or volunteers are unwilling or afraid to enter into the context of the kids they are attempting to impact.  I think those types of programs can confuse kids.  We need to help our mentees figure out life in their context, and we should be careful not to train kids to think that everything good and interesting happens outside of their neighborhood.  So my mentees and I go ice skating in the suburbs, and we play paper football at lunch time in their schools.  We go to the libray in Oakland, and we go to the libray in Homewood.  We go to Pitt football games at Heinz Field, and we toss the football around while dodging cars in the streets of Homewood.  Contextualization is an important part of reaching modern young people.

Transforming the Lives of At-risk Youth

This morning I had the opportunity to spend a couple hours with a relatively new friend of mine who leads an organization that impacts at-risk youth in several countries in Latin America.  His organization is currently in the process of implementing LAMP in their context, and I am planning on visiting Honduras this Spring to help them out.  I'm curious to research (as a chapter of my dissertation) how LAMP works in a global context, and he is interested in taking the work that his organization is doing to the next level.  Hopefully our relationship will continue to have real positive outcomes for the youth that we work with.  Today I was able to steward what I have been learning at BGU on behalf of the kids who are being reached by his organization in Latin America.  Here are a few themes from our conversation:

• Christians should be intentional about the transformation of the lives of the at-risk youth we work with.  Too many Christians settle for compassion, which is the low-hanging fruit of ministry to kids who are struggling in urban environments.  We give out coats and toys, and we may help with other physical needs.  We may focus on evangelism with words, but we fail to help the kids connect their relationship with Christ to their physical needs.  Christian leaders who work with at-risk youth in America and around the world should be working toward the holistic transformation of the kids through both compassion and justice.
• Youth development models and missions models matter.  Anybody who chooses to work with at-risk youth should be experts in the theory behind what they do... viewing themselves as practitioners of work with youth.  Leadership matters when it comes to working with at-risk youth, and organizations and institutions involved in that noble task should be resourcing and equipping leaders to implement some of the great strategies that are out there with the young people they work with in their context.
• We live in a complex, globalizing, urbanizing, pluralistic world.  Christians should not be naive about those things. We must be empowered and equipped to make a difference in that type of world.  Too often Christians try to search for quick fixes or easy answers to the complex problems in this world.  To put it simply, that perspective that is rampant throughout modern Christendom is completely unacceptable and ineffective.  Christians should be seeking to understand culture and the complexities in our modern world so that we can be leaders on the forefront of impacting the world in the 21st century.  We should be out in front, not dragging our feet or lagging behind or creating little Christian bubbles for ourselves.  We must engage culture and be equipped to do so in order to transform the world as followers of Christ.

My friend and I discussed other topics as well, but my point in sharing all of this is that I am trying to demonstrate how important it is for Christians in the world today to engage culture and get involved in transforming the lives of at-risk youth.  The Church is the most profound change agent in the world that God has ever established.  Right now is our time to shine.  We should not be living in fear about the uncertainty in the world, or withdrawing from society, or be intimidated about the complexities of problems facing modern at-risk youth.  LAMP in Pittsburgh, and my friend's organization in Latin America, have been called to the front lines.  And we should prepare ourselves as Christians that way.  God has called all of us to make a difference in the transformation of this world for God's purposes.

Finding Meaning in the Journey

Young people from Homewood usually drop by our house just about every day.  One of our favorite things to do is to welcome the kids into our home and ask how their days went.  Sometimes we only have the kids stay for a couple of minutes before we send them on their way to resume their life journeys.  Sometimes we'll invite the kids to visit with us for a while and stay for dinner, like we did tonight with some of the boys from the neighborhood.  Julie's meatloaf, which was originally intended to feed four, somehow turned into dinner for nine (OK... a slight boost from impromptu grilled cheese was needed to fill out the meal for everyone).

When we visit with kids from Homewood, we are building relationships but we are also being very intentional about the time we spend with them.  We do a lot of listening, and the kids are curious to know how we are doing.  When the kids tell us things, we rarely try to fix their problems or trivialize their triumphs by dumping a bunch of principles on them.  We try to connect with kids at the heart, or spirit, level.  Life is a journey, and we just happen to be a part of their journey and they happen to be a part of our journey.  We help to orient one another in God's Story.  That's essentially what mentoring is. 

Modern young people have very few people who try to connect with them at a heart level, and as a result many young people go through life either lost or by playing it safe.  This point is where many programs miss the mark.  People come up with great ideas for programs to help kids, but the programs often miss the all important goal of connecting with kids at the heart level.  I'm convinced that most programs aimed at helping at-risk youth don't fail because they're not organized... they fail because they miss the point of connecting with the hearts of kids.  That's why leadership matters... because implementation in youth programming really matters.  A bunch of words on a piece of paper describing a youth program or development model are just a bunch of words on paper unless the adults involved actually do the hard work of connecting with the youth at a heart level over a long period of time.  Modern young people are searching for meaning in life, not programs.  There are no quick fixes when designing programming for at-risk youth.  All programming should stem from a solid foundation of relationships that are connecting at the heart level.  Too many people build programs first, and then they try to build relationships with the youth last.  That's a much harder road to travel when it comes to transforming the lives of at-risk youth.

One of my good friends, Jay D'Ambrosio, shares some great insight on this subject in his book Rethinking Adolescence.  As an experienced educator and counselor, he understands how important it is for adults to address adolescents at the heart level and not just the mind or body as many institutions that attempt to reach young people are in the habit of doing.  We can help young people to find their hearts, and their meaning in life, by joining into their journeys.  He writes, "The young people we work with and love must be made aware of the importance of the journey, and that life is more than just random, meaningless events.  They need to know that the journey is good, even if it is often painful.  Their journey, their story, as Tolkien suggests, intersects with the stories of countless others, comprising the Great Story begun at the moment of Creation.  We have an opportunity to intersect with and influence the journey of the young, and they will in turn add to our own story, and we will become better for it.  They need to know that the journey will reveal their true identity, the person who the world so desperately needs them to be.  We will begin to see this as well."  Maybe that should be LAMP's new tag line:  "LAMP mentors help young people find meaning in their journeys so that they can be who the world desperately needs them to be."  I guess that's more interesting than a tag line like:  "LAMP... just another program trying to help kids with principles, planning, data and the latest models in youth development."

Decent Christians

In America, complacency is an easy thing to fall into.  As Christians, we get comfortable.  We may have a faith in God, but we still try to control our lives.  We play it safe.  The goal seems to be that being a Christian means that we should be a nice, moral, good person.  The problem is, that is not Christianity.  Following Christ is risky... an adventurous journey filled with many ups and downs. 

When speaking of the church in America, David Platt writes, "When we gather at the building, we learn to be good.  Being good is defined by what we avoid in the world.  We are holy because of what we don't participate in (and at this point we may be the only organization in the world defining success by what we don't do).  We live decent lives in decent homes with decent jobs and decent families as decent citizens.  We are decent church members with little more impact on the world than we had before we were saved.  Though thousands my join us, ultimately we have turned a deaf ear to billions who haven't even heard his name."

God has so much more for us than that!  God is on mission to redeem the world, and he has designed a significant role for each of us to play on a daily basis.  Life is a dangerous journey full of adventure and risk.  It will require all that we have, but thankfully we don't have to depend on our own efforts to make it through.  God leads the way, and we follow Christ as best as we can.  We should not shrink back and play it safe.  I don't think God is really interested in how nice or good we think we are, or how much bad stuff we avoided in our lives.  He doesn't want us to bury our talents.  We are all called to be stewards of everything... to give ourselves away to others on behalf of God.  Everything about our lives... our job, our finances, our time, our families, and yes, even our churches... should reflect the fact that we have embraced risk as the central theme to our lives so that we can join God's mission to all of humanity.  God has designed each of us to impact the world, and we can't do that when we're avoiding it.

Fresh Perspectives

At the YMCA in Homewood last night one of my good friends, Leo, shared some things about his relationship with God with around 30 boys.  It was very interesting because he connected his experiences from being a first round draft pick in the NFL and the ups and downs in his playing career with how God helped him navigate through many challenges. 

One of the boys I've mentored over the past five years was there last night, and my mentee started to ask Leo some good questions about God.  He has also had many ups and downs in his life, so something about Leo's message really resonated with him.  While all of the other boys and volunteers played basketball, Leo sat down with my mentee and they chatted about God for about 15 minutes.  When they were done talking, my mentee walked over to me to hang out and watch the games.  I told him, "You know, we've talked before about a lot of those questions you asked.  You could have just asked me."  And he kind of smiled and said, "Mr. B., I already knew what you were going to say about those questions.  I just wanted to hear about Jesus from someone else's perspective." 

It kind of hit me in that moment that my mentee does not attend a church (he goes with me every once in a while), though he does have a relationship with God.  He and I talk about God all the time, but it's almost always while we're hanging out somewhere in Homewood, at a sports event in Pittsburgh, driving around, or while we're sharing dinner together at my house.  He is getting his questions about God answered with Christians who are intentionally meeting him in his environment where he is at.  I think that in the long term, for his spiritual maturity, it will be good to get him connected to a church.  But for now, he is learning about God in many different ways and in many different contexts.  He is seeking out different perspectives, and he is contextualizing his relationship with God.  Those are good things.  I should not be worried about controlling his Christian experience or anything like that.  I just need to plant seeds, and I know God will continue to reach my mentee through other people as well.  That's how God often works.

Thanksgiving Reflection 2010

During this Thanksgiving holiday, many of us celebrate with our families and friends about the things that we are thankful for.  My life has been filled with lots of things to be thankful for, and that is still true this year.  I am thankful that God has given me 34 amazing years on this earth.  God has blessed me with a beautiful wife and two wonderful daughters.  I am so thankful for the life-changing doctor of ministry program at BGU.  God has called me to live and work in Homewood, and I feel fortunate to be able to invest in such an incredible community.  I have many treasured relationships with kids in Homewood, and it has been a joy to watch as the boys that I have invested in grow into young men with tremendous promise in life.

While I am thankful for many things, my mentees have taught me to be thankful for some of the most basic things in life.  One of my mentees is especially thankful just to be alive and to have a bed to sleep on.  Seriously, his older brother and his uncle were both killed within the past six months.  At 15 years old, he is now the man of the family and he sees every day of life that God gives him as a bonus.  He shares one small bedroom with his mother and older sister in a house where a family has temporarily taken them in until they can get back on their feet.  They have been sleeping on the floor since they moved there, and last week I was able to find a twin bed for him so now he has a bed to sleep on.  Another one of my mentees is thankful for a roof over his head and for the sacrificial love of a woman who has taken him in.  For the past year or so he has been basically homeless, bouncing around from house to house of extended family members and friends.  A single mom of one of his best friends, a woman who struggles with addiction problems of her own and who has very little to even provide for her own son, has opened up her home to my mentee and allowed him sleep on the floor at her house whenever he needs a place to stay.  There is little food in the house for three meals each day for three people (especially when two are growing boys), but she shares all that she has with my mentee.  My mentee is thankful for her love this year.

Some people might look at the lives of my mentees and see only their tremendous needs.  When I look at my mentees, I see their incredible assets.  My two friends have resilience and courage.  Both have entered into relationships with God, and they depend on God to get them through each day.  They have a lot going for them, even though they have very little materially in this life.  And so I am celebrating Thanksgiving this year, and I may be most thankful for the investment that God has opened the door for me to make in the hearts and minds of young people who are struggling in Homewood.  When my mentees invite me to share in their journeys filled with struggles, I just continue to be stretched and challenged by their passion for life in the midst of difficult circumstances.  Like my mentees, I am now thankful for the simple things in life.  I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep on, and plenty of food to share with my family (and lots of kids from my neighborhood who I've had the great privilege to share my table with).  Happy Thanksgiving!

Moving From Charity to Relationships and Justice

In America, we are in that time of year when many people like to become charitable.  Generosity abounds for such things as toy drives and dinners for the homeless.  The holidays encourage many ordinary folks to be compassionate to people in need.  There are many great outcomes from such acts of generosity, so I certainly do not want to discourage anyone from being compassionate at this time of year.  However, in America there is much more that Christians can be doing not just during the holidays but throughout the year.

God calls Christians to be in meaningful relationships with people in need throughout the year.  For instance, when a person sees a homeless person begging for money they might ask themselves questions like, "Should I give them money or not?  How will they spend the money that I give them?  Should I make eye contact with them and say hi, or keep looking forward and walk past them?"  Instead, I think the bigger questions that a Christian in that situation might ask themselves should be, "Why am I struggling with what to do when I encounter a homeless person?  Do I have any meaningful, long term relationships with any homeless people?  Have I distanced myself from the poor?  If God calls us to love people who are suffering and struggling in this world, then what can I do to rearrange some things in my life so that I can actually be obedient to that call throughout the year?" 

Entering into relationships with people who are in desperate need is difficult, but that type of activity is not optional for Christians.  We do not get to pick and choose if we want to help people in need.  It's part of following Christ.  Many American Christians distance themselves from the poor and then simply give money or food during one holiday stretch each year.  Instead, we should be invested in authentic relationships with widows, orphans, homeless people, and people living in poverty throughout the year.  We must overcome our fears.  We must overcome our complacency and comfort.  We must overcome the structures in society that keep us separated from people in need.  We must enter into people's pain through relationships... not just lob money at them from a safe distance with no relational connection.  Many Christians in America need to move beyond charity and start advocating powerfully and justly on behalf of the people in need with whom they have entered into relationships.

And, Christians must move even beyond individual relational justice to address the broader systemic injustices that keep people living in cycles of despair.  That's a very unpopular position to be in, upsetting the status quo, and Christians will experience suffering of their own when they wade into that territory.  But it's what we are ALL called to do.  Dom Helder Camara wrote, "We must go beyond 'aid' or 'charity' and demand justice which will bring peace.  Many people falter at this point.  He who asks the powerful to give aid to the poor, or helps the poor himself by being imprudent enough, or bold enough, to mention these or those rights or demands this or that justice, is regarded as a splendid man, a saint.  But he who chooses to demand justice generally, seeking to change structures that reduce millions of God's children to slavery, must expect his words to be distorted, to be libeled and slaundered, viewed with disfavor by governments, perhaps imprisoned, tortured, killed... But this is the eighth beatitude: 'Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.  Rejoice and be glad for your reward is great in heaven, for so many persecuted prophets who were before you."

A Lost Wallet: The Classic Opportunity to Demonstrate Character

One of the volunteers who helped out with the basketball outreach program at the Homewood-Brushton YMCA last night contacted me late last night to let me know that he had lost his wallet at the Y.  He asked me if I could check in at the Y this morning to see if anyone had turned his wallet in to the front desk.  He really wanted to believe that if one of the kids had found it, they would have done the right thing and given it to a staff person at the Y.  I wanted to believe that too, because he is a relatively new volunteer with kids in Homewood and I didn't want him to get a negative impression of the kids in case one of them had been tempted by the wallet and decided to take it. 

There are a lot of LAMP kids in the basketball program at the Y, and as mentors we hope to instill good character in our mentees.  I was praying last night and this morning that maybe a LAMP mentee had found the wallet.  Sure enough, before I even had the opportunity to go over to the Y this morning, my doorbell rang early and I opened my front door to find a LAMP mentee and his mother standing there in the early morning cold.  He got a big smile on his face and he said, "Mr. B... I found this wallet outside the Y last night.  I tried to turn it in to the front desk, but the Y was already closed.  I took it home with me last night to give it to my mom so we could keep it safe and give it to you in the morning."  I was so proud of him!  The little guy is in LAMP, but he also spends a lot of time hanging out at our house with his little brother (they're friends with my daughters). 

I was grateful for the opportunity to thank he and his mom, and I was especially excited to call my friend to let him know his wallet had been found.  He was ecstatic!  And he'll get the chance to thank our young friend in person next Tuesday.  He told me, "These kids in Homewood, and your LAMP mentees, continue to surprise me with how well-behaved they are when they are at the basketball program.  And this return of the wallet is just one more example of the seeds of character that LAMP is building in them."  I'll have to make sure I pass the kudos on to my young friend's LAMP mentor.  This story is just one small example, but there are many good people investing in young people in Homewood (not just LAMP) and I can really tell that all of those combined efforts are making a difference.

Too Many Kids... or Not Enough Mentors?

Last Monday Julie and I had around 50 kids in our living room for our Monday night dinner at our house.  We finally determined that the crew is too big for our house, so we have officially ended Monday Night Madness in Homewood.  We have invited all of the kids instead to attend the Tuesday night basketball outreach at the YMCA in Homewood on Tuesday nights from 6-8pm, and many of the kids have made the switch so we'll be able to keep those relationships going (only with more space).  Many of our Monday night group of kids are frequent visitors to our home anyway, so I think we'll still be able to impact a lot of the kids... maybe even more effectively now that we don't have to do crowd control. 

Of course, the best solution would be for us to be able to find mentors for each of the kids, but there simply are not enough mentors available right now.  That problem is not unique to LAMP, though.  I read an article recently that pointed out that there are 3 million people in America formally matched as mentors, but there are still 15 million children who want or need mentors in this country.  That's crazy, especially when you consider how much time adults who could be serving as mentors waste doing mindless things like watching TV or playing video games (or maybe working too much to be able to invest time into the children in their communities).  Whatever the reason, 15 million children waiting for a mentor is unacceptable.  I would love to see that waiting list of children come to an end in my lifetime.  Sounds like a cause worth fighting for!

Learning About Cities

I'm flying home from NYC today.  Can't wait to see my girls!  I was able to rest and get some great work done on the dissertation.  I had some amazing conversations with my little sister, Cameron, who is also in seminary right now.  She is taking a course called The Church in the Urban World, and so she is really having her eyes opened to how God is moving globally and through cities around the world.  We live in an era where many Christians are confused and anxious about the global, pluralistic, urban complexities of life, so well-meaning people are attempting to build comfortable little Christian bubbles for themselves to escape from the world.  I believe that instead of running away from the complexity of modern society, Christians should be educating and equipping themselves to run full speed ahead into the areas where God is moving globally.  Christians should become experts on cities because God is rapidly urbanizing the world.  Christians who choose to run away from the complexities of urban life will probably be ill-equipped to reach people for Christ in the 21st century.  God stretched me this week in NYC, but now I know how to navigate another city!  One more step in the right direction.

Day Three of Study Break

New York is such an amazing city.  I'm really enjoying myself here, and yesterday I completed about two weeks worth of studying in one day.  Not too bad!  I may just be able to do this whole dissertation thing after all.  I love getting to know the new sights and sounds of cities.  Every city has a personality of its own.  Even here in Brooklyn, this area has a much different feel than Manhattan.  I'm trying to relax a lot and study a lot, but I can't help myself from doing one exercise that I've learned to do through my studies at BGU.  When I walk through a city for the first time to explore, I intentionally look for signs of hope and signs of need in the community.  I view city streets as holy ground, and I try to find where the Holy Spirit might be working in vulnerable places and in powerful places.  I like to pray as I walk sometimes for people and places that I see.  Much happens in cities that impacts the rest of the world, so it is important for Christians to engage cities in many different and creative ways.  Plus, exploring new cities is so fun and interesting.  I am thankful that God has given me an urban lens with which to view the world that I never really had until about five years ago.  I have a lot of exploring to do as an adult... there are over 500 cities in the world with at least a million people.  I've got my work cut out for me!

Study Break!

I am having a great time studying today in Brooklyn.  It is often difficult for me to get quiet time in Pittsburgh due to the demands of urban ministry, so I am having a blast bouncing around different coffee houses in NY this week.  I had the opportunity to speak about urban ministry at the Alliance Theological Seminary last night.  It was a great group of around 60 students who asked some incredible questions about how to be effective urban ministry practitioners.  We talked about transformation, incarnational leadership, and relationship building through mentoring as a strategy for impacting at-risk urban youth.  I could talk about those topics all day!  Well... back to more studying.

A Busy Week... and a Week of Rest

Last week was a busy week.  Last Sunday night we hosted a small group from North Way at our little house in Homewood.  I facilitated the discussion time with 17 adults while everyone's kids played in our basement.  Last Monday I did a LAMP mentoring training for new mentors during the day, I had lunch in the afternoon with my three school-based mentees at the Faison Intermediate School, then 30+ kids from our neighborhood came over to our house for dinner and fun that night.  When the kids left the house, I broke up a dispute on the streets between two of the kids before making my way over to the Faison Primary School in Homewood for a LAMP cultural training.  On Tuesday I had a Bible study in the morning and a full day of meetings.  That night I helped my friends launch a new basketball program for kids in Homewood at the local YMCA.  Over 30 kids showed up for that, and I had a great time introducing my friends to the kids that I have spent the past five years building relationships with.  On Wednesday I had meetings all day once again, and another LAMP mentoring training at North Way Oakland that night.  On Thursday I took two of my mentees to work with me since they were off school that day.  They shadowed me the whole day (OK it wasn't all work... we played arena football in the Worship Cafe section of the church and we played basketball in the kids space).  The boys wore me out during the day, but I still managed to take my daughters on dates that night.  On Friday I worked on my dissertation all day and that night I attended the Family Guidance annual dinner fundraiser with one of my mentees who shared his story with a few hundred people at the Omni William Penn hotel downtown (my wife and my mentee's girlfriend also attended).  On Saturday, I facilitated two mentoring workshops at the OrphanCare Expo in Wexford.  By the time Saturday afternoon hit I was so tired!  Thankfully, Sunday was a great family day and I was able to invest in Julie and the girls.  I took Kyra and Sierra on dates, I studied a little last night, and then I watched the Steeler game with my dad.  Sunday was a great day!

Reflection is extremely important for transformational leaders.  As I reflect on last week, my first thought is that there is no way I can keep up that pace.  And I don't plan to.  I will burn out, and fast, if I have too many weeks like that.  I was not really able to have any time to take care of myself, or invest in my marriage, or get quality time with my daughters.  This past week was a week where I gave a lot away to others, but I did not do much to sustain myself.  I was able to deeply invest in six boys that I am mentoring, and I also relationally impacted probably 40 or 50 other kids in Homewood.  I helped to launch a new basketball program in Homewood.  Through mentoring trainings, seminars, and the fundraising dinner I was able to share about the powerful message of mentoring at-risk youth to hundreds of people in several different areas of Pittsburgh.  However, in times of tremendous outputs of energy on behalf of great causes, leaders must also rest and withdraw in order to connect with God and find joy and replenishment in the midst of helping others.  That's why I'm going to New York City this week.  I'm taking a rest from everything.  Many people like to find peace and quiet in wilderness when they get away, but I often like to go to other cities.  I love to explore cities, and I seem to be able to connect with God and find rest there.

I cannot focus on the grind of urban ministry all of the time.  Reaching tough kids in Homewood is difficult work.  Mobilizing Christians to become mentors is difficult work.  Quality time away from this work is important.  So what am I hoping for in my time away this week?  I think I'm looking for what Howard Thurman referred to as God's "penetrating beauty and meaning."  Thurman said, "There must be always remaining in every man's life some place for the singing of angels, some place for that which in itself is breathlessly beautiful and, by inherent prerogative, throws all the rest of life into a new and creative relatedness, something that gathers up in itself all the freshets of experience from drab and commonplace areas of living and glows in one bright white light of penetrating beauty and meaning - then passes.  The commonplace is shot through with new glory; old burdens become lighter; deep and ancient wounds lose much of their old, old hurting.  A crown is placed over our heads that for the rest of our lives we are trying to grow tall enough to wear.  Despite all the crassness of life, despite all the hardness of life, despite all the harsh discords of life, life is saved by the singing of angels." - Deep is the Hunger

The Art of Apologies

I arrived home after 10pm ast night to find two kids from my neighborhood being sternly reprimanded by my neighbors on the sidewalk in front of my house.  My neighbors are great people, and they are often very gracious with us in their patience for the constant flow of kids from Homewood who are in and out of our house.  Last night, apparently, two kids that Julie and I know very well decided to visit us around 9:45pm, but instead of walking up to our front door to ring our doorbell they thought it would be funny to sneak up on our house and surprise us.  They crept around my neighbors yard, hopped his fence and I guess they tried to throw stuff at our house to get our attention.  My neighbor caught them in the midst of their actions, which were admittedly not very well thought out by my 14 year old friends.  They were receiving an earful when I arrived on the scene.  I did my best to calm everyone down.  I walked the kids most of the way back to where they lived and we talked about how it was probably not a good idea to be creeping around peoples' houses at night anymore, even if they were just trying to play a joke on us.  When I walked back to my house, my neighbors were still out on the sidewalk talking to my wife.  I apologized as best as I could for the whole situation, and I thanked them for being such great neighbors and for being so patient with us in our work in trying to impact young people in Homewood.  I intentionally try to reach kids that are at risk... the ones that society would describe at "bad."  For some reason God has gifted me with the ability and desire to build relationships with troubled youth.  I've been working with kids like that for the past fifteen years.  Over the course of that amount of time, I've had to deliver countless difficult apologies while standing next to kids who made bad decisions or caused some type of trouble. 

I think I'm starting to get good at the art of apologizing in strange situtations.  Apologizing is never fun to do, and I think most people stop working with troubled youth after they've been embarrassed once or twice.  But for me, the embarrassing moments serve as a starting point of sorts in the relationships that I try to develop with tough kids.  They are teachable moments.  I am thankful for teachable moments because they generate tremendous growth in the relationships I have with kids.  Also, often people only see the negative things that at-risk youth do.  I have the great privelege to be able to see all of the positive things that the kids do as well.  I've been able to be a part of amazing breakthroughs and kids being able to courageously overcome life circumstances that might stand to take out any young person.  In my experience, the moments of breakthrough far outweigh the number of embarrassing apologies that I have to deliver.  And so I keep on doing what I do, and I keep practicing the fine art of apologies.

Basketball Outreach

Tonight was a great night in Homewood.  Some good friends of mine have been wanting to start up a basketball program for kids in Homewood for a while.  Tonight was scheduled to be the official kick-off of the new basketball program with an open gym at the YMCA, pizza, and a discussion about living life in a relationship with God.  I helped to spread the word with a lot of kids over the past couple of days, and I was so excited when 30 boys showed up to play basketball tonight!  My friends did a great job building relationships with them, and I'm pretty sure that the word will get out and the group will probably grow next week.

It's way too early to call this basketball program a "success."  Many groups have tried and failed to connect with kids in Homewood through sports outreach (there are also people who have been very successful for years at reaching young people in Homewood with sports outreach).  I am encouraged by this particular outreach, though, because it is based on authentic relationships.  I have spent the past five years building relationships with most of the 30 young men that attended tonight, and I have spent the past two years building relationships with the men who showed up to run the basketball program for the kids.  It was a joy for me to watch as the kids met most of the adults for the first time... resilient kids that I admire for many reasons, and men of integrity that I admire for many reasons.  New relationships were formed tonight.  It was great!

Waiting For Superman

I finally had the chance to see the film Waiting For Superman.  If you have not seen the movie, please go see it!  It is still out in some theaters, and I assume will be out on video soon.  If you have seen the movie, post a comment to tell me what you thought about it.  The basic premise of the movie is that the American education system is failing millions of students.  Most of those children are minority students who live in cities and rural areas that are socioeconomically distressed.  The film shines the light on many reasons for why those school districts are failing to meet the needs of their students, but it also highlights schools that are actually effectively reaching socioeconomically disadvantaged children regardless of the students' level of poverty, blight in their neighborhood, or family structure.  And the effective schools now have a proven track record of success over time. 

The movie proves something that I believe very strongly in... that all children can learn and become contributing members of society regardless of their environment.  Efforts to change the health of kids' families and their physical living conditions are still important, but kids can benefit from a good education regardless of the their needs.  Research now proves that.  Kids do learn when schools have effective teachers, strong and effective school leadership, plenty of support and intervention, high standards, and meaningful accountability.  I have spent my entire professional career working with socioeconomically disadvantaged students... first as a public school teacher and administrator for six years in California, and now as a coordinator of a mentoring program that impacts public school students.  I have first hand knowledge and experience that has taught me that all students can learn, but I also have seen how students are let down when things don't go like they are supposed to.

I've said this many times, but one of the best things people can do to support kids in their development is to mentor them.  I love the LAMP concept because it focuses on kids in Homewood.who are falling behind in the local public schools at an age when intevention and support is critical for them.  Research shows that nationwide, 88% of children who have a mentor for at least one year go on to attend college.  That's not a typo.  If LAMP holds up to the standards of an effective mentoring program, then 88% of the children we mentor in Homewood will attend college.  I have the education and I have been certified to be a school site principal, so people often ask me why I don't try to change things in Pittsburgh by becoming a school principal.  My answer is that I believe very strongly that mentoring provides profound intervention in the lives of troubled youth.  My energy has always focused on at-risk youth, and I believe I can reach at-risk students in a much more powerful way by mentoring them over a long period of time.  I am mentoring lots of kids, and LAMP in general is reaching lots of kids.  It is a joy to watch the kids persevere over time, and hopefully all of the kids who are being mentored will graduate from high school and go on to college or vocational school.  Time will tell, but in the mean time at least the kids don't have to wait for superman. 

Why Move to Homewood?

Often when I meet people for the first time and we ask each other easy questions to get to know one another, I am asked where I live.  When I say "Homewood" to a person from Pittsburgh, they usually get a funny look on their face and begin a series of curious follow up questions about what it's like to live in Homewood and why I would choose to raise my family there.  This line of questioning happened to me several times this week.  Admittedly, when we first moved to Homewood I was not prepared to answer those questions.  I tried to awkwardly explain leadership and urban ministry theories that I had heard about and was trying to implement.  I had a hard time trying to explain my calling.  But now, having lived in Homewood for a couple years, I am much more prepared to discuss our reasons for moving here.  It's much easier to explain now because what God put on my heart two years ago has much more clarity in hindsight.  We have seen amazing things happen since we moved to Homewood, and I have all kinds of stories and experiences that I can share with people to back up the leadership and urban ministry theories that I studied prior to our move.

The biggest reason we moved to Homewood was because it was something God clearly called us to do as a family, and we decided to be obedient to God's call on our lives.  God often requires Christians to give up the smaller stories of control, comfort, and safety that we try to engineer for ourselves in order to live in God's Story which often involves risk, downward mobility, and perhaps most importantly, love... love of God and love for our neighbors and love for our enemies, not just love for ourselves and our nuclear families.  God's mission to humankind is much, much bigger than the American Dream.  As a Christian, my biggest goal is to live in God's Story.  God is moving in Homewood, and I'm simply joining his work there.

Another big reason we moved to Homewood was the relationships we had with kids and their families in Homewood.  If people knew the kids in Homewood like Julie and I do, then I think a lot more people would start moving to Homewood.  Most people in Pittsburgh choose to intentionally avoid going to Homewood at all costs, so they never have the opportunity to meet people in Homewood.  They are missing out!  A lot of kids in Homewood have many needs, but they also have tremendous courage, resilience, desire, humor, and many, many other assets that can be built upon.  I could talk about how to run effective programs all day, but programs don't make a person want to move to Homewood.  I could share the reasoning behind why all leaders in Homewood should move into the neighborhood, but leadership principles don't compel a person to want to move to Homewood.  I could explain God's heart for reaching vulnerable people in cities, but urban ministry strategies don't cause a person to want to move to Homewood.  Deep, meaningful, authentic, long term relationships with people are what make a person want to move to Homewood.  Our move to Homewood is all about relationships... with God and with our neighbors.

Two Courageous Kids

Last summer an organization called Christian Sports International held a free baseball clinic in Homewood.  A friend of mine told me about it, and I rounded up as many kids as I could to take them to it.  The whole experience at the baseball clinic was great!  The kids had the opportunity to practice their athletic skills with a bunch of former major league players, and several of the kids responed to former major leaguer Sid Bream's invitation to ask Jesus into their hearts.  The president of CSI, Scott Grinder, asked me if I would bring a couple of the kids who attended the baseball clinic to share about their experience with the people attending CSI's annual fundraising dinner which was held last night at a fancy hotel north of Pittsburgh.

The whole evening last night presented many opportunities for me to speak into the boys' lives having built strong mentoring relationships with them over the past five years.  I worked with them on dressing up for attending a fundraising event.  I coached them on the basics of public speaking (this was their first time doing that... it happened to be in front of an audience of hundreds of people that they had never met before).  We talked about the fine art of mingling with new people... such things as shaking hands and asking good questions to get conversations started.  After dinner, the boys went up in front of everyone and shared their testimonies.  They were absolutely incredible!  After several rounds of applause, they settled into their roles as celebrities for the rest of the evening.  They actually spoke to the crowd right before Steelers Hall of Famer John Stallworth, and he opened his speech by commenting about the courage that the boys had for sharing their stories publicly at such a young age.  The auction portion of the event went kind of late, so we tried to sneak out so that I could get the boys home at a reasonable hour.  John Stallworth noticed, and he also slipped out to shake each of the boys' hands and congratulate them on their newly discovered communication skills.  Many people went out of their way to encourage the boys.  They both told me, "Mr. B, we could get used to this!"

Earlier in the evening, both of the boys had told me about some small financial needs that they had and they were wondering if they were going to be paid for speaking.  I told them that they were speaking at this event for free, although they would get a really good steak dinner out of the deal.  I told them, though, that God knows about every need they have and that they could trust God to take care of them.  As we were leaving the event, a woman slipped out of the event, made her way directly over to the boys, and she handed them each a small amount of money because "they were so couragous for sharing their stories."  Their faces lit up, and they gave her a big hug and said "Thank you!"  She didn't know it, but the money she gave them was God's way of meeting their financial needs that they had discussed with me earlier in the evening.  We had some great conversations on the car ride back to Homewood, even though we had to stop at McD's because apparently banquet food isn't quite enough to fill up the stomachs of growing kids.

I have had the opportunity to experience so many amazing things as a mentor.  Mentoring is always an adventure!  Mentoring has allowed me the opportunity to shake hands with NFL Hall of Famers, and enjoy Pittsburgh Penguins games in luxury box suites with CEOs of major companies.  Mentoring has allowed me the opportunity to play street football in Homewood while dodging passing cars and pick up trash at community service events.  I've raced go karts, and I've shared meals in my mentees' homes.  Whether it's at high profile events or the streets of Homewood, mentoring is all about building consistent relationships over time.  Special events are great, but what was most significant about the event last night to me was watching my young friends take a risk and come through the whole experience with a new sense of confidence.  They weren't in their homes playing video games, or running the streets of Homewood throwing rocks at abandoned row homes.  They were trying new experiences that will help to shape them into the kind of men that will do amazing things with their lives.  That's the best mentoring experience that anyone could ever have.  I really admire their courage and resilience.  Sometimes I think I learn much more from my mentees than they do from me.  I guess that's the magic of mentoring.

The Power of Faith-based Mentoring Relationships

I am passionate about helping adults from churches build relationships with at-risk kids.  I love to watch how mentoring relationships make a tremendous difference in the lives of both mentors and mentees over time.  In my line of work, though, I run into plenty of people who are skeptical about the value of mentoring at-risk kids.  Many people in society try to write off the type of kids that I work with as lost causes.  Cynical people say that there is nothing that can be done with some kids until something is done about the brokeness in their families and blight in their communities.  Frustrated teachers feel that the problem is not their teaching, but with the lack of involvement by parents (or any other number of excuses).  People who are completely disconnected from what actually goes on in Homewood make their judgments about the youth in my community based solely off of what they hear or read about in the news.  People can point to the violence and negativity in my community and try to make a case for why work that is attempted with young people would not really make much of a difference.

I am all for working to improve physical conditions in my neighborhood and working to strengthen families here.  That is one of the reasons why I so appreciate the Homewood Children's Village model that is currently being implemented.  It seeks to address systemic issues that contribute to cycles of poverty.  However, I believe that churches can play a significant role in the transformation of places like Homewood that other institutions in society cannot.  People from churches can connect with at-risk kids in profound ways.  I have great hope for churches and their function in the transformation of society.  I have tremendous hope in at-risk young people.  I know for a fact that young people can, and will, learn in spite of the living conditions in their neighborhood or functionality of their families.  There is no reason to be cynical about the young people that I know so well in Homewood, in spite of what frustrated people may say or what negative stories may be aired on the evening news.  I am not ignoring the difficult things in my community.  I am just optimistic about a way forward that focuses on building the assets in young people instead of writing children off as lost causes.  And the church has a big role to play in building assets in children.

In their book Reclaiming Our Prodigal Sons and Daughters, authors Scott Larson and Larry Brendtro write, "All kids are our kids.  We have often heard teachers and others say, 'What can we possibly do?  Look at this kid's family!'  But simply blaming the family does little good.  If the lives of troubled young people are to change, others in the community must become involved and play a role in the lives of individual children.  Nowhere is there more potential for positive influence than in faith-based programs.  They are one of the few cross-generational groups that can help rebuild a sense of community.  Nearly every other segment of modern society has segregated its young from its older members.  Schools, recreational programs, entertainment centers, and even many families keep youth distanced from adults.  Traditional faith communities do not.  Churches and synagogues are not merely buildings.  Ideally, they are communities of committed people who are also potential employers, adult mentors, and positive peer groups - all things that troubled adolescents desperately need."

There are many churches doing amazing work with children in Homewood.  Much of that work does not get recognized, but it is valuable.  And many more mentors are needed from many more churches in Pittsburgh.  There is great transformational power in faith-based mentoring relationships.  I continue to pray that God would continue to work on people's hearts to invest in the lives of youth in Homewood instead of writing any children off as lost causes.

Events and Relationships

Every Monday night Julie and I open our house to kids in Homewood from 5-7pm.  There were 46 people in our house last night.  We're really starting to explore some other options for where and how we can host a group that big (our living room definitely isn't cutting it anymore).  This past Friday night over 1,000 people signed up to attend the Harvest Party in Homewood.  I don't think that many people actually showed up, but it was a different paradigm for us as we planned for an event with potentially over 1,000 people.  It's cool that kids are showing up to planned activities.  However, while a large number of kids showing up to something is a gauge of success in many organizations that work with kids, I still feel that the best way to impact kids is one child at a time.  I truly wish I had enough mentors to match with every child in Homewood that actually needed a mentor.  I know that that type of support would really make a long-term, transformational difference in my community.

I think that our Monday night group is a nice thing for some kids in Homewood.  I think that the Harvest Party is a very nice thing for the kids in Homewood.  But between Monday nights, and between events for kids in Homewood, I run into many, many children in Homewood who just want to have somebody to spend time with them and invest in them.  Events can be a very positive thing for a community, but I believe that lasting impact starts with relationships.  Mentoring is not a fix-all for Homewood, but mentoring is a great place to focus efforts because it is focused on building one-to-one relationships.  There is just something about mentoring, which many people call the "magic of mentoring," that leads to amazing outcomes for children over time.  I love events that impact children in Homewood.  But I love mentoring matches that impact the children in Homewood even more.  Maybe some people who volunteered at the Harvest Party will want to become a mentor?  I guess I'll find out soon enough.

A Weekend to Remember

What a crazy weekend this has been!  On Friday I rented a Uhaul truck and drove Compassion Day construction materials to several different locations in Pittsburgh.  When I was done with that, I made my way over to the Faison Primary School in Homewood to set up for the annual Harvest Party that North Way hosts at the school.  Over 1,000 people signed up to attend!  The Harvest Party ended up being a big hit, even though we were nervous about having enough food, candy, and room for that many people.  It all worked out, and the kids in Homewood had a blast!  Then, on Saturday morning many volunteers from North Way served in different places around the city.  Three Compassion Day projects were held in Homewood.  One group of volunteers picked up trash in the streets around the Faison Primary School and my housing development.  Another group of volunteers (pictured above) helped a LAMP mentee's family to move their belongings into a house.  For the third project, that same group of guys purchased close to $400 worth of drywall materials from Home Depot and loaded all of that material into my basement.  Every Monday night Julie and I open our house to kids from Homewood to come and hang out, and lately we've been averaging about 35 kids in our living room.  A small group from our church heard about our need for more space, so they are finishing our basement for us... hence the need for the drywall materials in our basement.

Most of my role at North Way involves mobilizing the people at our church to get involved with people and causes outside the walls of our church.  This is a difficult thing to do sometimes because we live in such a consumeristic society.  Many Christians think that their church experience is all about them and how they can get their own personal spiritual needs met.  Christians who think of church in that way are missing out on much of what the Christian life is all about.  God calls us to love our neighbors and give ourselves away to others on his behalf.  God has a big heart for people in this world who are struggling, and he calls his church to do something about it.  This was a big weekend for our church because we are continuing to make strides in those areas.  With each relationship that is built, and with each instance where we serve others, we grow closer to becoming more authentic followers of Jesus Christ.

Harvest Party

Tonight my church is hosting a harvest party at the Faison Primary School in Homewood.  I love this annual event so much!  North Way is trying to become an externally focused church, which means that although we seek to provide healthy programs and worship experiences we also seek to be involved relationally with people outside the walls of the church.  Many churches offer "Halloween alternative events" that are often called harvest parties.  The intention is to draw families to the church building instead of trick or treating in their neighborhoods as a part of Halloween.  North Way traditionally held such an event which drew hundreds of people to the main church campus.  A few years ago I challenged our church staff to think of creative ways that they could get our church involved in the community.  The kids and student ministries staff members came up with the idea to take the harvest party from being an internally focused event to being an externally focused event.  They simply took everything they did on that harvest party night and offered all of those things at our LAMP elementary partner school in Homewood.  This is the third year that the harvest party will be held in Homewood, and we're expecting over 750 people from Homewood and possibly 200+ people from North Way to participate in the event.  It's a great onramp for people from North Way to get involved in Homewood, and it's a wonderful event for the kids in my community.  It's a unique example of how churches can partner with public schools (and remember, we started the partnership with long term, authentic relationships that we have built with LAMP over the years).  We're expecting some great weather tonight and a fun time all around.  I can't wait!

The Steelers Visit Homewood

Heinz Ward and Mike Wallace from the Pittsburgh Steelers visited the children at Faison Primary School in Homewood this morning.  Faison won a $10,000 grant from the NFL Play 60 program to be used for bicycles and other physical activity that is so important to the healthy development of children.  The school staff at Faison works very hard to provide resources for the children in Homewood, and it was quite a celebration for everyone involved.  I spotted a few of my mentees in the crowd of kids who were listening closely to everything the Steelers had to say.  They heard a strong message about the need for kids to be physically active and work hard on their grades in school.

Many people choose to focus on the negative things in Homewood, but there really are so many positive things going on there right now.  Besides a visit from the Steelers, in just this one week over 100 LAMP mentors from Pittsburgh-area churches will spend several hours with their mentees, over 600 children and their families from Homewood will be participating in the Harvest Party sponsored by North Way at Faison Primary School this Friday night, and on Saturday morning for Compassion Day volunteers will be picking up trash around my neighborhood, helping a single mom move, and hanging drywall in my basement so that we can turn our basement into a youth recreation room.  I know there are also many other people who will be doing great work in Homewood this week.  Transformation is often a difficult process, so it's important to pause every once in a while to celebrate when positive things happen in the community.

Dasonii

Over two years ago Bryan Chae, an Asian-American from Korea, visited North Way Christian Community in Wexford for the first time.  One of the first things he noticed when he entered the church was a display in the lobby for LAMP.  He walked over to it, picked up a brochure, called me during the following week, and about six weeks later he was matched with a LAMP mentee from Homewood.  He and his mentee have had a lot of fun together over the past couple of years, and in many ways being a mentor has changed Bryan even more than it has changed his mentee.  LAMP has caused him to make some unique decisions in his life.

Bryan is a successful businessman who has a nice house in Cranberry Township, an affluent suburban area well-north of downtown Pittsburgh.  As the owner of a business that is well-established, he could afford to live comfortably and go into work as he chooses.  At this stage in life, he has achieved what many people consider to be the American dream:  Successful businessman, nice house in the suburbs, semi-retired early because he could work when he wanted... the good life.  But becoming a LAMP mentor messed with his paradigm.  Through his many trips to Homewood, God has given Bryan a strong call to take risks and do some incredible things.  First, he decided to be a leader by mobilizing many of his Korean Christian friends to become involved in the Homewood community.  His Christian friends have participated in neighborhood clean up efforts in Homewood, and they have big plans to help out where ever they can in the months and years to come.  He is a bridge builder between his Korean friends and North Way and Homewood.  And instead of sitting back and living comfortably off of the earnings of his successful business, Bryan has decided to utilize his business skills as mission by launching a new restaurant in Robinson Township.  It just opened a few days ago, and he decided to call it "Dasonii" which is a rare ancient Korean word that means "loving people."  He is intending to use the profits from the new restaurant to repair and restore old boarded up homes in Homewood (I have heard that as many as 48% of the real estate properties are abandoned).  He hopes to mobilize hundreds of volunteers to help to create housing for single moms and other people who may be in need of stable housing in Homewood.  I took my family, Bryan's mentee, and his mentee's grandmother out to eat at the new restaurant tonight and we had an amazing time.  When I asked Bryan why he decided to start a new business, with all of its hassles and long hours, at a time in his life when he could be living the comfortable life, he simply said, "LAMP."  He wants to do all he can to make an impact in Homewood with the skills that God has given him.

I think there are several important lessons to be learned from Bryan's story.  First, transformation begins with relationships.  Before Bryan decided to start a restaurant to help others or build a house in Homewood, he built relationships with a child and his family in Homewood.  This is such an important thing for leaders to understand.  There are many people who want to try to help people in need, but they build programs first instead of building relationships first.  Transformational leaders build relationships with the people being served first, and then the great innovative and life changing ideas spring out of those relationships.

Business is mission.  Many businessmen go into business simply to make more money for themselves and their families.  That story is too small of a story for a person to live in.  God desires for us to utilize our business skills to serve his mission to reach others.  When we hoard money for ourselves so that we can have bigger houses and nicer cars and fatter retirement accounts so that we can live comfortably, we may be missing the point of why God has gifted us in the area of business.  God may bless us so that we can give ourselves away to others.  Bryan is a great example of a simple principle... when effective businessmen are good at what they do and they generate prosperity, they can do harm to others along the way or they can do good.  And life is not all about advancing ourselves and our own families.  God gifts us to reach others in his mission, and business is a big part of that.  Work is not a cursed condition.  Good business is not evil.  Good business can help to transform society when businessmen act as stewards of God's resources (and I'm talking about much more than just tithing ten percent of personal income).

We should not be afraid of cross-cultural ministry.  Sunday morning is often the most segregated time of the week in America because most churches tend to consist of people who are similar racially and socioeconomically.  That should not be the case.  Christians should be leading the way in racial and socioeconomic reconciliation.  We should be leading by example.  My friend Bryan is leading by example.  His path has not been easy, but he has been paying attention to God's call on his life to be a bridge builder.  I have prayed many times since I've moved to Homewood that God would help me to have the heart of a bridge builder.

Christians should take risks and give ourselves away to others.  We should never reach a point in our lives where we have "arrived."  Comfort and safety are not necessarily things that we should be striving for. Many Christians will be called to experience suffering.  God wants us to embrace risk as a central theme to our lives.  And God has a tremendous heart for reaching people who are in need.  Dasonii is a beautiful word.  "Loving people."  That's what being a Christian is all about... not just loving ourselves or our own families.  We are called to love God, and we are called to love people.  Dasonii.

Hope for New Mentors

Yesterday I talked to a group of people at North Way about LAMP.  I shared several stories about kids from LAMP, and I also shared about the biblical founation for why Christians should become involved in mentoring.  I thought the stories about kids might impact folks to want to get involved, or maybe the theological insight might encourage people to become mentors.  At the end of the talk, I shared that I trust God and believe in the cause of LAMP so much that I moved my family into Homewood.  I then opened the floor for people to ask questions.

Most of the questions were about what it was like living in Homewood.  I shared honestly about some of the challenges, but mostly our move to Homewood has been a very positive experience for myself and also Julie and the girls.  We love our home.  We love the people that we meet in Homewood.  We especially enjoy building relationships with the kids in the community.  People asked so many questions about us living in Homewood that I was worried that the focus of my talk, which was LAMP, would somehow be missed.  I really didn't want to miss an opportunity to inspire folks to get involved in LAMP.  Afterwards, though, it was very interesting because lots of people came up to talk to me about getting involved in LAMP.  One woman told me, "I've known about LAMP for years but I have chosen not to get involved because Homewood is always in the news with all kinds of violence.  After hearing you speak today, I've decided to become a mentor because if you could move your family there then surely I can mentor I child there in the middle of the school day once a week."  Several other people made similar comments. 

At the end of the day, I guess it doesn't matter what I say that inspires people to become mentors.  I am not really in the business of inspiring people, anyways.  I think God inspires Christians to mentor at-risk kids.  Sometimes he may inspire people through my words or my actions, and often God will work through other people's words and actions.  I know one LAMP mentor who is mentoring today because their child heard about LAMP at church, and I know another mentor who is mentoring because a woman in his small group encouraged him to volunteer somewhere now that he is retired.  Whatever the reason, I'm just glad that people are still inspired to mentor.  That gives me hope.

Mentors or Celebrities?

I went to spend time with my new school-based mentee at Faison Primary School in Homewood on Monday afternoon.  When I made my way up the second floor where his classroom is located to pick him up, his classmates were all standing in line in the hallway to go downstairs to the library.  Several of the kids saw me coming from a ways out, and they started yelling, "Your mentee's not here today!"  I figured they were probably right, but I kept walking down the hallway just so I could speak to his teacher to confirm that he was absent.  Sure enough, he was out that day.  As I was having that brief conversation with the teacher, several of the kids in line started jumping up and down, waving their arms and saying "Ooh... Ooh... pick me... pick me Mr. Bryan... I'll go with you today!"  Some of the kids got out of line to get my attention to show me how bad they wanted to go with me.  It was kind of funny trying to talk to the teacher with kids pulling on my arms and waiving their hands in my face trying to get my attention.  I am just building a new relationship with this particular mentee, and I didn't want to cause any problems between he and I by spending the day with one of the other kids in has class.  So I politely declined the pleas of the other kids, and I told the teacher to tell my mentee I came and that I would be back to see him next Monday.  As I walked away I heard kids in the class making desperate appeals for me to come back and spend time with them.

This experience does not just happen to me.  It happens often to nearly every person that mentors children in the primary school in Homewood.  The word has gotten out over the past five years that many of the kids have mentors, and we do not have nearly enough mentors to match with all of the kids who actually want a mentor.  So the mentors who go consistently are often treated like celebrities, and kids who do not have mentors try many different approaches to try to get people to take an interest in them.  My big dream for LAMP is that we would be able to provide a mentor for every child that goes to school in Homewood.  I know that involves hundreds of children, but there are thousands of adults that attend LAMP churches.  Wouldn't it be incredible if the roles were reversed some day?  What if every kid in Homewood had a mentor, and adults from Pittsburgh-area churches were actually eagerly waiting to be matched with a child?  Imagine a situation where a line of students quietly walked down a hallway and there were adults lined up, jumping up and down, waiving their arms, getting in kids' faces and yelling, "Ooh... Ooh... pick me... pick me... I'll mentor you today!"  Who knows... maybe that dream will become a reality some day?  There are a lot of people and organizations focusing their attention on the kids in Homewood these days.  Wouldn't it be great if all of the kids were treated like celebrities by an overwhelming number of adults who were involved in their education?

Two Worlds Collide: 17-year-old Bryan and 34-year-old Bryan

This past Friday night was the Homecoming football game at Pine-Richland High School.  It just so happens that I was hanging out with some LAMP boys on Friday night.  A friend of mine heard I was with them, and he invited me to bring the boys to a tailgate party (no alcohol... just good food) that he and several North Allegheny (the opponent) families were having before the game.  It was a bit of a cold and partially rainy night, so when we arrived and we got our food the boys decided to eat in my car with the heat on so they could be warm and listen to music.  As the mentors and I mingled among the adults at our party, I looked over at the boys and felt disappointed that they had chosen to hole up in the car instead of hang out with everyone and meet some new people.  I wondered why they were being so shy... so reserved.  I guessed that they weren't having a good time.  I got engaged with someone in a conversation for only about five minutes, and the next thing I knew I looked over and the boys were dancing in the middle of a circle made up of about 50 NA students.  My mentee, who is usually very outgoing, had seen some NA kids trying to do a dance called "the jerk."  I guess they weren't doing it properly, and he just had to go over and show them how it was done.  I couldn't believe my eyes!  One second they're shivering in my car... the next second they're doing a dance-off in the middle of a cheering crowd of teenagers who they had never met before.  They had a great time for the next 30 minutes or so, then we went in and watched the football game for a while.  We had a great time, even though Pine Richland lost pretty bad.

That whole evening was kind of strange for me.  I graduated from Pine Richland, and I played football there.  But, honestly, love for my old high school or football glory stories never really crossed my mind while I was busy investing in the lives of four kids from Homewood.  When I was in high school, all I would have done was obsess about Homecoming and the battle that would be happening to win that game.  Seventeen years later, all I could think about was LAMP and the battle that is going on for the hearts and minds of kids in Homewood.  My values and goals in life were much different when I was seventeen.  On this Friday night, those two worlds collided for me.  At one point in the evening, someone came up to me and said, "You know, they're honoring the football alumni tonight."  I thought to myself, "Oh yeah.  I'm a football alumni, and this game should be really important to me."  There is nothing wrong with being a proud football alumni, I guess.  But there were probably some football alumni attending that game who are still stuck in that one small story of there lives when they were young and glorious.  Believe me, I can embellish high school football stories with the best of them.  But I've moved on to a different story now.  God is moving, and I'm trying to be obedient to his call on my life.  It's hard to look back when the best moments of my life are happening right now, almost every single day.  I'm living in God's adventure.  I have an amazing family to invest in each day.  When I wake up each morning, I look forward to what God has planned for me in the work I do with LAMP.  The work is hard, but God knows that I have what it takes.  God is so good to have blessed me so much.

Excuses

I talk to a lot of Christian men about LAMP.  Every once in a while I'll talk to a guy about LAMP and he'll actually become a LAMP mentor.  Most often, though, guys will show initial interest but then they don't end up getting involved.  I've discovered several common excuses for why the men I talk to seem to want to get involved, but they don't.

1.  "My wife won't let me." - This is by far the most common excuse I get from men.  It's also the one that perplexes me the most.  American Christianity tells men to "establish priorities" by breaking the gospel down to specific principles that must be arranged accordingly.  It usually goes something like this... God first, then your wife, then your kids, then your job, then your church, and whatever scraps of your time and energy that are left over may go to some kind of charitable work.  The American Dream has its own general priorities... work many hours at your job, spend the time that's left over with your wife and kids, throw yourself a bone with whatever's left over by playing golf and watching sports on the HD flat screen.  If you go to church, it's a duty that must be done for the well-being of your family.  Maybe give some money or time to charity if you have anything left to give at the end of the day.  I may be overgeneralizing with the American Chrisitanity and American Dream themes, but many families live out of those values.  Both themes definitely emphasize the need for men to play it safe.  "Don't do anything too risky.  Be a nice guy.  After all, your family needs your paycheck."  Now, I think that men should work hard and build healthy relationships with their wife and kids.  However, that story is not large enough for a man to live in.  Men should be living in God's Story, which means that God is on a mission to redeem all of mankind to himself.  We must orient ourselves within that Story.  Our job is too small of a story, and strong families are great but they are only a small part of the Story.  Golf and football on TV are definitely too small of a part of the Story.  Men must be involved in God's transcendent mission which is the overarching narrative to all of the smaller stories that we live in.  One of the best things a man can do for his children is show them how he gives himself away to others in need.  My point is, when a man senses a strong call from the Lord to do something like mentor an inner city child, I do not think that his wife should shut him down because she thinks it's too risky, or too dangerous, or too time consuming.  It is so good for a family to see that their daddy is living out the whole message of the gospel, not just bits and pieces and principles.  One of the strangest things I experience is when a guy wants to make a difference with his life by mentoring a child in Homewood, but he says he can't because his wife thinks it's too dangerous.  God often requires men to do dangerous things for the sake of his Kingdom.  Shame on us if we are not obedient to that call because we are playing it safe in life for the sake of our families.  We may be ignoring the gospel message of Jesus Christ when we do that.

2.  "I don't have enough time." - This gets back to my point about how we prioritize our time.  If we are exhausted all of the time from work and family responsibilities, and we do not have anything left in the tank for God's mission for justice and compassion among the marginalized people of this world, then we definitely need to change some things around in our lives.  Every man has a specific role to play in God's Story, and that role goes far beyond our families and our personal hobbies or recreation.  If we don't have time, we need to make time.  And... this is an important point... giving ourselves away to people in need is not an either/or choice of how to use our time.  We can, and should, integrate this calling from God into our work and family and recreation time.  Men love to compartmentalize things, but service to others is not a separate compartment.  It is woven throughout much of our lives as one of God's overarching purposes in everything we do.

3.  "I've been called to help with a different program." - I am not territorial.  I know that not every man I run into will be called to be a LAMP mentor.  There are many, many great causes that men can get behind.  The body of Christ is diverse, and the needs in the world are also extremely diverse.  So I wouldn't want to hold it against somebody if they decided to get involved in a cause or organization that is different from LAMP.  I have noticed an interesting phenomenon, though, in the time that I have been leading LAMP.  A guy will tell me he wants to get involved in mentoring a child, and he'll get stuck "in process" for a while because he does not follow through.  I usually stay in communication with those guys, and they tell me over the course of time that they want to get involved in this cause, or that cause, or support this organization, or that organization, or they have this new idea for a program, or that new idea for a program.  Months, and even years, go by like this.  And what happens is, guys bounce around from cause to cause and they never actually commit or dive deep into anything.  Also, people love to start with programs and ideas first but many people rarely actually want to do the hard work of long-term relationships with the poor that are required by a project like LAMP.  I tell people this all the time... before you start a new program to help the poor, or start jumping around from organization to organization in search of a way to fulfill your need to help others, just focus on going to where the hurting people are and start building authentic, long term relationships with them.  The programs and ideas for helping with the poor will spring out of those authentic relationships, and they will often be the ideas that are given by the people who would actually be benefiting from those programs.  That's bottom-up, relational, empowering help as opposed to top-down, prescriptive ideas that are often not sustainable because they lack relationships and buy in from the people who are intended to be served.  This is my advice to any man who wants to help the poor, or orphans, or homeless, or any other group of people that God calls us to care for.  Whoever God puts on your heart, go to where they are and start building relationships with them. 

Excuses are not really acceptable when it comes to God's call to care for the people in this world who are hurting.  If we make excuses for why we are not involved in God's call to act justly and compassionately on behalf of the marginalized people in this world, then we are basically ignoring half of the gospel message of Jesus Christ.  We don't get to pick and choose what we are obedient to and what we are not.  The Bible is not a bunch of principles that we get to add to our lives or ignore based on what we feel.  All men are called to be the body of Christ in this world by acting justly and compassionately on behalf of people in need.  It is not a choice.  It is not something we tack on to the end of our days even though we are tired.  We should live out the gospel in everything that we do.  That's the standard that Christ set.  After all, we're talking about eternal consequences here.  I don't know any man who will be bringing his beautiful house, or his 401k, or his flat screen TV with him to heaven.  I do know several men who will be hanging out with their mentees for eternity in heaven because they chose to get involved instead of play it safe.