Excuses

I talk to a lot of Christian men about LAMP.  Every once in a while I'll talk to a guy about LAMP and he'll actually become a LAMP mentor.  Most often, though, guys will show initial interest but then they don't end up getting involved.  I've discovered several common excuses for why the men I talk to seem to want to get involved, but they don't.

1.  "My wife won't let me." - This is by far the most common excuse I get from men.  It's also the one that perplexes me the most.  American Christianity tells men to "establish priorities" by breaking the gospel down to specific principles that must be arranged accordingly.  It usually goes something like this... God first, then your wife, then your kids, then your job, then your church, and whatever scraps of your time and energy that are left over may go to some kind of charitable work.  The American Dream has its own general priorities... work many hours at your job, spend the time that's left over with your wife and kids, throw yourself a bone with whatever's left over by playing golf and watching sports on the HD flat screen.  If you go to church, it's a duty that must be done for the well-being of your family.  Maybe give some money or time to charity if you have anything left to give at the end of the day.  I may be overgeneralizing with the American Chrisitanity and American Dream themes, but many families live out of those values.  Both themes definitely emphasize the need for men to play it safe.  "Don't do anything too risky.  Be a nice guy.  After all, your family needs your paycheck."  Now, I think that men should work hard and build healthy relationships with their wife and kids.  However, that story is not large enough for a man to live in.  Men should be living in God's Story, which means that God is on a mission to redeem all of mankind to himself.  We must orient ourselves within that Story.  Our job is too small of a story, and strong families are great but they are only a small part of the Story.  Golf and football on TV are definitely too small of a part of the Story.  Men must be involved in God's transcendent mission which is the overarching narrative to all of the smaller stories that we live in.  One of the best things a man can do for his children is show them how he gives himself away to others in need.  My point is, when a man senses a strong call from the Lord to do something like mentor an inner city child, I do not think that his wife should shut him down because she thinks it's too risky, or too dangerous, or too time consuming.  It is so good for a family to see that their daddy is living out the whole message of the gospel, not just bits and pieces and principles.  One of the strangest things I experience is when a guy wants to make a difference with his life by mentoring a child in Homewood, but he says he can't because his wife thinks it's too dangerous.  God often requires men to do dangerous things for the sake of his Kingdom.  Shame on us if we are not obedient to that call because we are playing it safe in life for the sake of our families.  We may be ignoring the gospel message of Jesus Christ when we do that.

2.  "I don't have enough time." - This gets back to my point about how we prioritize our time.  If we are exhausted all of the time from work and family responsibilities, and we do not have anything left in the tank for God's mission for justice and compassion among the marginalized people of this world, then we definitely need to change some things around in our lives.  Every man has a specific role to play in God's Story, and that role goes far beyond our families and our personal hobbies or recreation.  If we don't have time, we need to make time.  And... this is an important point... giving ourselves away to people in need is not an either/or choice of how to use our time.  We can, and should, integrate this calling from God into our work and family and recreation time.  Men love to compartmentalize things, but service to others is not a separate compartment.  It is woven throughout much of our lives as one of God's overarching purposes in everything we do.

3.  "I've been called to help with a different program." - I am not territorial.  I know that not every man I run into will be called to be a LAMP mentor.  There are many, many great causes that men can get behind.  The body of Christ is diverse, and the needs in the world are also extremely diverse.  So I wouldn't want to hold it against somebody if they decided to get involved in a cause or organization that is different from LAMP.  I have noticed an interesting phenomenon, though, in the time that I have been leading LAMP.  A guy will tell me he wants to get involved in mentoring a child, and he'll get stuck "in process" for a while because he does not follow through.  I usually stay in communication with those guys, and they tell me over the course of time that they want to get involved in this cause, or that cause, or support this organization, or that organization, or they have this new idea for a program, or that new idea for a program.  Months, and even years, go by like this.  And what happens is, guys bounce around from cause to cause and they never actually commit or dive deep into anything.  Also, people love to start with programs and ideas first but many people rarely actually want to do the hard work of long-term relationships with the poor that are required by a project like LAMP.  I tell people this all the time... before you start a new program to help the poor, or start jumping around from organization to organization in search of a way to fulfill your need to help others, just focus on going to where the hurting people are and start building authentic, long term relationships with them.  The programs and ideas for helping with the poor will spring out of those authentic relationships, and they will often be the ideas that are given by the people who would actually be benefiting from those programs.  That's bottom-up, relational, empowering help as opposed to top-down, prescriptive ideas that are often not sustainable because they lack relationships and buy in from the people who are intended to be served.  This is my advice to any man who wants to help the poor, or orphans, or homeless, or any other group of people that God calls us to care for.  Whoever God puts on your heart, go to where they are and start building relationships with them. 

Excuses are not really acceptable when it comes to God's call to care for the people in this world who are hurting.  If we make excuses for why we are not involved in God's call to act justly and compassionately on behalf of the marginalized people in this world, then we are basically ignoring half of the gospel message of Jesus Christ.  We don't get to pick and choose what we are obedient to and what we are not.  The Bible is not a bunch of principles that we get to add to our lives or ignore based on what we feel.  All men are called to be the body of Christ in this world by acting justly and compassionately on behalf of people in need.  It is not a choice.  It is not something we tack on to the end of our days even though we are tired.  We should live out the gospel in everything that we do.  That's the standard that Christ set.  After all, we're talking about eternal consequences here.  I don't know any man who will be bringing his beautiful house, or his 401k, or his flat screen TV with him to heaven.  I do know several men who will be hanging out with their mentees for eternity in heaven because they chose to get involved instead of play it safe.