Sharing my experiences here in Homewood through this blog is kind of a strange thing for me. I started writing about urban ministry and my life here for several reasons. First, writing gives me an outlet to process everything that I experience in urban ministry on a daily basis. But, I could do that privately in a personal journal. Why share my experiences publicly? What if I offend people, or if I am not sensitive enough, or if I share something controversial that other people may completely disagree with? That's the risk I take with sharing the story of my life. I open myself up to scrutiny that other people may not have to deal with. However, as a part of my DMin program at BGU I am required to take other people along with me in my journey however I am able to do that. That means that I need to share stories and experiences publicly... lots of them. Transformational leaders give themselves away to others. Whatever I learn or exprience along the way, I should do my best to share those things with others.
Every time I write something on this blog about my urban ministry experiences in Homewood, I tend to overthink things and second guess myself. How are other people perceiving what I am writing? Am I focusing too much on the needs of the community instead of the assets? Is this blog helping anybody along in their journey to want to make a difference in this world? My experiences seem to be marked by both joy and frustration. There are many risks involved, and many twists and turns along the way. I run the risk of sounding like a complete fool, or having God work through my risks and failures to somehow inspire others to take the narrow path of life that can lead to so much joy in Christ.
In the book City Signals, Brad Smith writes, "Most of us go to the city at first simply to help people, make some new friends, and maybe make a small difference in someone's life. Just getting involved and seeing what happens is the best way to open our hearts to what God wants to teach us. Yet not long into our urban ministry journey, we experience both intense joy and frustration. These experiences in the midst of reflection and relationships can facilitate a parallel spiritual formation journey that opens up whole new ways to reflect on God and His work in our lives. The best place to start on this second parallel journey is exploring God's presence in your own story. There is an art and a unique love in telling your story in a way that releases someone else's deeper story. Your story is given to you by God. In building relationships in the city, your story is a treasure more valuable than any expertise, time, or money you bring. The high points of your story (your successes) may impress people, but the hard times (your failures) are what inspire their trust in you. It takes much practice to share the pain of your life authentically without hiding behind stoicism or over-dramatization. There is much about spiritual formation that seems contrary to logic. There is much about urban ministry that empowers the poor, rather than just meets a need, that also seems contrary to logic."
So I guess that's where I'm at right now. Sometimes I just want to keep to myself and live a life that doesn't rock the boat or ruffle any feathers. Sometimes I become so passionate about my calling that I want to scream it from the mountaintops to anyone who will listen. That's just the tension that I live in. I don't know if I will ever feel like I am able to communicate the needs and hopes of Homewood effectively. I will probably always feel inadequate. I will probably always feel like an outsider in this community. I will probably stir up the status quo along the way. But, I am not alone along the way. God is with me. I just need to be obedient to what God is requiring of me. God's shoulders are strong enough the carry the outcomes (I know mine sure aren't).
Risk it or play it safe? I wonder if I passed today? I guess it doesn't matter. Tomorrow will surely bring about new tests and new opportunities to bring others along in my journey through life. Either way, I know that my story will one day end in death. But I know how The Story ends. God has given us that in his Word. So I guess there's nothing to be anxious about in sharing my story with others, because in doing that hopefully I am helping to share The Story with others. And that risk is always worth it!
2 comments:
Bryan
You've posed an interesting question in your second paragraph: Am I focusing too much on the needs of the community instead of the assets? I think that's a question that needs an answer.
This isn't necessarily an answer but just some food for thought: for those 'on the outside', (i.e. those who are maybe reading this blog or hearing you speak but aren't mentoring or involved in urban ministry) you maybe are focusing on the needs a bit too much. The 'needy' will always have needs - that kind of goes without saying, right? And most people are bombarded by people or organizations asking for help. It does get old. So, although it's frustrating for you to see needs go unmet, I think it's important for you to also take time and talk about / think about some of the assets and opportunities.
What I mean is, what are the assets that are already in the community that are going unused, under used, or are being used wastefully, that if used better or more imaginatively could meet or mitigate some of the needs?
I think God wants us to be good stewards of what He provides - and that includes all assets, not just money. Along with that, people are much more likely to 'back winners' - i.e. support people and programs that make good and imaginative use of the assets that they already have - than they are to just continue to throw money and resources into a 'black hole' that just absorbs money and resources with no apparent change for the better.
Anyway, just something to consider...
John V
Thanks for the honest feedback, John! I am hoping to do a better job of building on assets and signs of hope. I think it is still important to share needs at times, but that is a fine line to walk.
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