Passivity or Aggression

Most men struggle with either passivity or over-aggression. As a result, the people in our lives often experience pain because we fail to act or we come on too strong. There is a strong connection between living out of our strength, that is... the strength that God gives us... and living out the masculine journey effectively. These choices to live appropriately out of our strength usually come at us daily. For instance, this morning my wife opened a letter from the company that cleaned and helped restore our basement after the flood last week. The bill was much bigger than we were anticipating, and several line items on the bill did not make sense. My wife was very upset, and as she talked to me about what we should do about the bill I could feel my sinful reactions coming on. The passive side of me wanted to just let it go, thinking that we're under enough pressure lately and this was just one more thing that wasn't worth the fight. The over-aggressive side of me wanted to write a mean letter, storm into the office building of the company that had done the injustice to my family, and cause a huge stir until the wrongs were fixed. Angry words filled my heart as I pictured in my mind what I would say. It's funny, though, in that intense conversation with my wife about what we could do, I could sense the enemy pouring flames on our discussion. He was trying to harm us. Whether it was through my sins of passivity or over-aggression, it seemed that the enemy was determined to get me one way or the other. I prayed quietly in my heart for Jesus to enter this situation. As my wife and I talked through our next steps, I offered to take care of contacting the company. As a man, I took some time to clear my thoughts, pray about the situation, and then engage. The key for every man in life is that we do choose to engage. I called the company and talked calmly to the right people, and in the end we were reimbursed for the areas that we had been overbilled. I think that I was able to resolve the situation without being too passive or too over-aggressive. I lived out of my strength, out of the strength that my wife and children need from me, but I was also able to respectully interact with the company representatives without becoming too angry. Nothing will make you feel more like a man than fighting against injustices in this world, whether they are personal or if they impact many people, and doing so effectively according to the masculine strength that God has given us. There is an epic, spiritual battle going on in this world, and we all have a part to play in it. That is why God needs men to follow his ways and pursue justice daily regardless of the outcomes. We cannot be effective in the battle if we are too passive or too aggressive.

Calling

Earlier this week I had an interesting conversation with a young man from North Way about the topic of calling. He is trying to figure out what God is calling him to do with his life, and he wanted to gain my perspective because, he said, "lots of people talk about learning what God asks them to do but they don't actually do it. You seem to be able to hear from God and then you are actually crazy enough to do what God seems to be asking you to do, even if it goes against mainstream culture or what seems rational." I was kind of surprised when he said that, because even though I try very hard to be an authentic follower of Jesus Christ I still still struggle daily to hear God's voice and actually do what he is asking me to do. I drop the ball all of the time, and I miss out on God's purposes. However, I do try to be obedient when I hear from the Lord and as a result I would say that my sense of joy in calling is very strong. When God calls me to act on his behalf, even when it doesn't seem to make any rational sense, the feeling that I get is so strong and overwhelming that if I don't follow through with it I almost can't function in life.

I think all people want to be "real," but this world is often cruel to people who try to authentically follow Jesus so we settle for disobedience and creating elaborate fronts for ourselves that we portray to the world so that we can send the message that we've got this whole life thing under control. The scary truth is, though, none of us are in control of our lives. We're crazy for thinking that we can control things. So why do we even try? Why do we end up being fake people or fake Christians? Why do we miss out on the callings that God wants to willingly give us as we join him on his mission to redeem the world? Because there is an intense spiritual battle going on that we do not see, but it is a battle that keeps us living under control, or in disobedience, or in fear as we go through our lives. The enemy does not want us to discover our callings because we are dangerous when we do! The enemy does not want us to be real, authentic, sold out followers of Jesus because when we live like that we make a huge difference in advancing the kingdom of God. With God, all things are possible! We should not settle for being fake or being disobedient. We are sons and daughters of the Most High God, and every single one of us has the capability of discovering and living out the callings that our Creator gives us out of his amazing love for us. Calling in its most simple form means that we should not just be hearers of the Word, but also doers.

Learning from A Tough Week

I am glad that this week is starting to wrap up because of all of the difficult things that have happened, but I'm also thankful for how God has drawn me closer to him through these circumstances. Many friends and family members have connected with Julie and me to support us as we navigate through repairing our basement from the flooding on Monday. My friend's passing away at 34 years older earlier this week has really caused me to reflect on how short life is, how blessed I have been to this point in my life, and how I want to continue to live every day that God gives me to the fullest. An uncle who I am close to, Craig Morris, has been battling for his life this week with cancer. I am thankful for the opportunity that I had to pray with him, and through his pain God is showing me again how fragile life is and that I need to make the most of every day.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like going through tough times. However, when things get tough I depend on God more, and I also value the relationships in my life more. For those outcomes, I am thankful. Not having hot water for a week or losing my home office are just inconveniences that will eventually go away, but the lessons I've learned this week I'll carry with me forever. A lot of people depend on me as a husband, father, friend, and pastor, but in weeks like this it's important that I learn to give up control and allow God to father me and care for my heart. Otherwise, it's all just too much to take. I am finding peace in my Heavenly Father this week, even as my heart is heavy.

We All Need Good Friends

For the past three or four years I have been meeting with one of my best friends for coffee every Wednesday morning for an hour or two. We talk about life together, we read the Bible together, and we pray together. He's about my age, and we are at similar stages in life. We have the kind of relationship where we can tell each other anything, and we're the kind of friends who look out for one another in this life. Every man needs to have good friends like that who are willing to stand shoulder to shoulder in the cosmic battle between good and evil that defines so much of our lives every day (whether we realize it or not).

Good friends stand by us and are consistent whether things are going well or not so well. Over the past several months I have been experiencing a lot of good things... with my family, professionally, academically, and with reaching others for the sake of Christ's eternal purposes. I have enjoyed that season tremendously, and I am thankful for how God has profoundly blessed me to be able to experience so much joy in this life. Then, beginning with this past weekend, I seem to be being hit by one wave after another of difficult life circumstances and bad, heartbreaking news. Still, when I met with my friend this morning our time together was like a breath of fresh air as I have been going through a tough week. I know my brother in Christ has my back. Our time together was well-needed! I know that God is going to get me through this tough time one way or another, and I am glad that good friends are surrounding me for this journey through life.

This is a crucial concept for all grown men who follow Christ... the temptation is for us to go through life on a solo mission, but God wants us to surround ourselves with trustworthy friends who can join with us in the great journey through life. The movies may glamorize solo missions, but God is not a God of solo missions. If we do not have deep, meaningful relationships with our fellow brothers in Christ who are willing to speak into our lives, then we will be dead meat if we step out into the world alone. God wants to work through our close friends to strengthen us and equip us for the battle in God's mission to redeem the world. The battle is real whether we are working as a businessman or as a pastor at a church. We need to hold each other up. The concept goes much further than the cheesy version of "accountability partners" that many churches hold up as the standard for male interaction. Life is hard, and we need much, much more than accountability. We need friends who will stand in the gap for us. I am so thankful that I have a few friends like that. I wouldn't trade that in for any cheap, surface friendship that this world has to offer.

A Flooded Basement

It's amazing how quickly plans can change in life. I had set aside a lot of time this week to write my dissertation, and Julie and the girls went over to Ohio so that I could have some clear time to think and research. This type of writing requires a lot of access to the books and articles I've accumulated throughout the course of the DMin program, so I settled down in my downstairs office where all of those resources are located so that I could focus and get some work done. I popped on my headphones, cracked open my laptop, leaned back in my work chair as I've done probably hundreds of times over the past three years, and just as I got started something caught my attention. A small wave of water on my basement floor was moving rapidly in my direction. Before I could even think to react, it had spilled over into my office and I had to scramble to pick things I was working on up off the floor. Apparently, a huge thunderstorm struck outside while I was working in the basement and the sewer system in my part of Homewood backed up so that all of the basements in my neighborhoos were flooded out by several inches of sewer water. As it happened, my heart broke because a small group from my church had spent hours and hours of time finishing my basement earlier this year. I watched helplessly as in an instant the entire basement carpet and trim that took months to install were destroyed. My heart broke, not so much for the stuff that was in our basement, but for the many kids in our neighborhood who spend so much time hanging out in our newly finished basement. It serves as a game room for kids in Homewood... a safe place for them to get out of the summer heat and spend time with their friends.

When the flooding started to receed, and I was done scrambling to get a few valuable things off the floor in the basement, I made my way upstairs and sat quietly looking down at the floor with my head in my hands contemplating the meaning of life. Why does stuff like this happen? Why does life have to be so hard? This was a huge, time consuming set back that would draw my focus away from my dissertation... at least for the short term while we deal with this. This setback would keep us from being able to help more kids in Homewood for the near future. Where all of those volunteer hours spent finishing the floors in our basement a waste of time? Then I just went quiet for a while, searching for answers in my head. And that's right where God met me and worked on healing my broken heart. God ministered to me in those moments, and slowly I started to release the things of this world and immerse myself in God's eternal purposes. I became relieved that God would take a situation that the enemy meant for evil, a strong blow to our work in Homewood, and turn it into a something positive that he will use to reach this world for his glory. I'm just not sure how that is going to happen, yet, but I know it is going to happen. Stuff is just stuff. I don't care at all about the stuff that we had accumulated that may have been flooded in our basement. Every single thing that I think I have actually belongs to God anyway. I'm just a steward of what God gives me to utilize for his purposes. The stuff can be replaced. I should not be asking myself "why" when something like this happens. Instead, I should be asking myself "what?" What does God want to do with these circumstances to achieve his purposes.

I know that God is in control. I trust him with everything... that's the only way to function with life in Homewood. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I should expect persecution from the enemy who hates my soul and wants to destroy me. However, God has overcome the enemy and I will one day experience the joy of victory over evil that I know is coming. In the mean time, I need to continue to be obedient in all things. I am hoping that my dissertation will help a lot of at risk youth around the world, and I'm not going to let this little basement set back keep me from writing it. I know that opening our home up to kids in Homewood is something that God has called us to do, and this little basement set back isn't going to keep us from fulfilling that calling. I know how this whole human drama works out... things will be hard, but God wins!

The Loss of a Friend

A friend of mine from high school was killed by a drunk driver over the weekend. He left behind three children and a wife who he loved very much. From my understanding, he was a follower of Jesus so he is in a better place right now. Still, I know things are going to be very difficult for his family for a while. He left behind quite a legacy as many people were inspired by how well he loved life, loved his family, and loved others. He had a great sense of humor, and he was able to build friendships with just about anyone he came into contact with. My friend was 34 years old when his life ended, but the relationships he built in this life will last for eternity. His legacy provides a great reminder for all men. There are many things in this world that would seek to destroy us and pull us away from God's purposes, but we can overcome those things and love others well if we choose to serve the Lord. Life is short, whether we live to be 34 or 94. We get one shot at this thing. Let's make it count by loving others well.

Ministry in the City

When I first started working with LAMP over five years ago, one of my favorite things to do was to get to know my city... Pittsburgh.  Growing up I did not spend very much time in the urban environments of Pittsburgh except for sporting events or museums.  I love Pittsburgh!  And, I love showing people around Pittsburgh now.  I really enjoy exposing my mentees to learning opportunities in this dynamic city, and I enjoy visiting different places with family and friends.  God is giving me a heart for the city, and I feel like my eyes have really been opened to God's ways of moving through the complexities of urban life. 

Now that I have a love for the city, God has given me the great privilege of casting vision for North Way's new urban campus in the East End.  Even though the campus will most likely not launch until this winter, I have been intentionally scheduling one to one meetings with people who are considering making that campus a church home.  In my mind, there is nothing better than dreaming about doing church in the city, and then actually having God work through me to implement those dreams!  That's what gets me going every morning! 

If we pay attention, we can find amazing joy in the callings that God gives us.  That is why it is so tragic when people land in miserable jobs and stay in those miserable callings or circumstances for years.  God has much more for us in life than painful exercises in vocational futility over years or even decades.  God designed each of us to have unique skill sets that we offer the world.  So why do we settle?  God wants to bring us joy, to have us enter into our places of passion and calling based on fulfilling his purposes for reaching this world.  I would have never dreamed of being an urban pastor when I was growing up, but God has brought me to this point because he loves me and he wants me to experience the richness and fullness of life while he works through me in the city.  I am loving this opportunity in Pittsburgh!

Reflecting on a Prayer Journal Entry

Reflection is an important part of leading. Summer time is a great time to reflect because the pace of life slows down a bit and many people take time off to recharge. One of the things I like to do when I reflect is take a look back through my old journals to see what God has done in my life over the years. Recently,  I stumbled upon a journal entry that I made on March 6, 2006. At the time, I did not know anything about LAMP or Homewood or urban ministry or mentoring or a doctorate degree or being a pastor at a church. Even though I didn't know any of the details of what God was going to do, I knew in my heart that God was about to break through in a big way in my life. At the time I was unemployed, I had no health insurance, we were struggling financially, and yet I knew God was somehow orchestrating the situation for his purposes. 

Here's the prayer that I wrote to the Lord on that day over five years ago: "Lord, where will you take me? I want to live for you from my heart. I want to serve you... to impact as many people for you as I possibly can. Help me not to focus on the circumstances or living for this world again. I need to hold you at the center of my life. I know you created me for this time and for your purposes. Please show me. I'm ready! I feel you in my great times and in my pain. You are woven throughout. I want to adventure with you, to experience your beauty and majesty once again. Please watch over my family and protect them for me. Draw them closer to you. Have them experience the journey with me."

God is so faithful! My life since that day has been an amazing adventure, a journey that I would not trade for anything. The journey has not been easy... it's been a challenge. But, I can see that God orchestrated the entire journey! When we choose to give up control of our lives, to embrace the radical message of the gospel of Jesus Christ with reckless abandon, and throw ourselves into God's mission to reach the world, then we get to experience the richness and joy that comes with intimacy with our Creator. We find meaning in life when we sell out to the Lord with everything that is in us. God wants to give us the desires of our hearts when our desires align with his purposes.

Signs of Transformation

It's important in urban ministry to celebrate break throughs in people's lives. Any signs of progress are cause for celebration. This weekend I experienced many seemingly small victories. One of the boys in my neighborhood was released from a long stint in a youth detention center / boys home and he was reunited with his family on his mother's birthday. He came right over to our house to visit with us, and my wife, Julie, helped him and his brothers to bake a cake and make home made birthday cards for their mom. I went with the boys to deliver the birthday cake to her, and her face lit up when she saw how thoughtful they were. It's been a hard year for this struggling family in Homewood, but on that evening everyone was happy to be reunited with one another. The next day one of the boys in that family came over to share about a difficult situation in their life that they are trying to navigate through. He was very angry, and instead of acting out violently he decided to come over to my house to talk to me and cool off. That was a huge break through for him! In the past he has shown up at my front door all banged up from street fights where his anger had escalated. This time I listened to him, helped him pray through his anger and emotions, and I was even able to give him his first Bible and help him find out what God has to say about anger and conflict. I love to have the amazing privilege of giving a person their first Bible! It's the best feeling in the world! Then, this evening one of my mentees called me to tell me that he is going to be serving as a volunteer for a week at a Vacation Bible School at a big church in Pittsburgh. He is a relatively new Christian, and we have talked in the past about serving but this is one of the first tangible steps that he has taken to serve Christ. I am so proud and excited for him! I know God is going to show up and meet my mente right where he is at in his faith.

The things I'm describing might seem small, but they are huge to the young people involved. Transformation in cities is a process... an often difficult process. Yet, as author Jack Dennison points out, the process of urban transformation gives us hope. "The hope of city transformation is invigorating. None of us wakes up in the morning and says, 'If I live in a run-down, mediocre place, that's OK by me.' We all want to live in neighborhoods that are safe and free of discrimination. We want our schools to be places where real learning takes place. We want our justice system to serve everyone fairly. We want economic opportunity to be available - really available - to citizens of every class, kind and condition. And most of all, we want people to hear and respond to a call to radical discipleship - one that fills our cities with people through whom Jesus lives. Reports coming in from all over the world tell us that this is possible. But to get there requires transformation of individuals, of congregations and of the Church of the city. Then as our churches work together as one Body, the evidence is compelling that God can and will bring transformation to the cities of America and the world." - City Reaching 

A New Wave of Mentors

Over the past two weeks 46 people from my church have signed up to become LAMP mentors! This is great news because there are so many children in Homewood who are waiting for a mentor. The kids in Homewood keep asking me, and I have been so excited to tell them that they could have a mentor soon. About half of the people who signed up to mentor are men! This is going to be a long summer trying to make all of these matches!

It is so important for churches in cities to get involved in impacting their communities with the love of Christ. I mentioned in a sermon recently that my church has a "go strategy," now we just need to make sure that we communicate the strategy well so that the majority of the people who attend North Way can get involved. I truly believe that the Church is the most transformational, positive change agent in the world. When followers of Jesus Christ unite to reach the world, many amazing things can happen. We are never more Christian than when we are actively showing the love of Christ to people in many different places and contexts. LAMP is just one great example of that.

Summer Days in Homewood

I love summer in Homewood! Some days it seems like all of my neighbors are out and about in the neighborhood visiting with one another. Today, our house was grand central station as we had a steady stream of friends visiting all day. I know I've said this a million times, but incarnational urban ministry yields a level of authentic community that I have never experienced anywhere else that I have lived. Honestly, the best part of my job as a pastor in the city is building meaningful relationships with people who also teach me so much about life. People in my neighborhood depend on one another. I admire the resilience and courage of the friends that I have made over the past five years in Homewood.

Back From Vacation

This past week I was on vacation with my family at Pelee Island in Canada. I didn't have internet or phone access there, so it was very relaxing to just get away from everything for a week. I feel rested and ready to jump back into urban ministry in Pittsburgh! I read a couple good books while I was on vacation, Heaven by Randy Alcorn and The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen. I strongly recommend both books because they help to put life and God's love into perspective. I'm sure I'll be sharing some thoughts on these books in future blog posts. This is shaping up to be a great summer!