The Meaning Behind a Tattoo

A couple days ago I drove to my mentee's house to pick him up, and he walked out of his house with his jacket only covering one arm. He had a big smile on his face and he was nodding approvingly while looking down at his arm. As he got in my car, I could see that he had a huge tattoo on his forearm. He had just got it the day before so it was still sore and covered with a special oil to help it heal. He looked over at me and said, "What do you think, Mr. B?"

I questioned in that moment how I should respond. My mentee has never known his father, and the two older men in his life who he looked up to, his brother and his uncle, were killed this past summer. I am now one of the only consistent male figures in his life, so I try to view that role with a lot of care. I didn't say anything to him at first. No lectures about how tattoos are permanent. No speeches about morals, or about what future employers might think. I didn't think to refer him to books or articles on the subject of tattoos. I didn't give any hint of disappointment or disapproval. I broke the silence by asking, "Can I get a closer look at that thing? Tell me about it. What does it mean?" He said, "The initials are my brother's who died last summer. The dates are his birthday and the day he died. And the big cross is there because my bro is with Jesus." I have been helping him through the grieving process with his brother's death, and I have been encouraging him to open up about the emotions he has been dealing with. I guess I wasn't expecting that to happen in the form of a tattoo, but it seemed appropriate to him to get one in honor of what would have been his big brother's 19th birthday. After his explanation about the tattoo, I just smiled at him and said, "That's really nice. Tell me a little more about your brother." And a great conversation followed.

Mentors play an important role in the lives of our mentees. We are friends. We are role models. We are people that kids can open up about things with. We are not in charge of fixing kids, or their problems. We are not parents. We are not their boss. And we are definitely not the tattoo police. We are not responsible for trying to make our mentees conform to our values. We are not in charge of changing them. LAMP mentors are in our our mentees lives to show them Christ's amazing, profound, spectacular, life-changing love. We listen a lot. We love a lot. And with that perspective of humility and service, God is able to work through us. And that's what mentoring is all about.

Justice Resolutions

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Isaiah 58.  Verses 6-7 are as follows:

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not turn away from your own flesh and blood?

In The Hole in Our Gospel Richard Stearns writes, "These words describe a people and a society characterized by justice, fairness, and a concern for the poor.  They portray not just a personal ethic but also a community ethic.  The reference to 'break(ing) every yoke' suggests that any system, law, or practice that is unjust must be broken - whether personal, social, political, or economic."

As we set personal goals and resolutions for ourselves in 2011, let us not forget that life is not all about our selves.  God has a role for every Christian to act justly on behalf of people in need in our own neighborhoods, our own cities, and around the world.  We are all called to give ourselves away to others for the sake of God's purposes.

The Transformational Role of the Church in Society

I really enjoy being a part of making individual mentoring matches between people from my church and kids in Homewood. I know each match has the potential to transform the lives of both the mentors and the mentees. I have tremendous hope that God will work through each match. However, I also know there is much more potential for my church to impact Homewood, the city of Pittsburgh, and the world!  God has designed his Church to be the hope of the world, and when we fail to live out that mission then we fall short of the plans God has for the church.

In The Hole in the Gospel, Richard Stearns writes, "It's important to understand why churches are so strategically important to carrying out the mission that Jesus described in Luke 4, of bringing the good news of the kingdom of God to the whole world. As individuals, we all have an important role to play in demonstrating the gospel through our lives. We can pray, give, volunteer, and become effective personal ambassadors for the gospel. However, our greatest power to change the world is released when we come together in collective action to organize and focus the resources of the whole body of Christ. A church of one thousand members can have a much more powerful impact by harnessing the power of the whole than its individual members can have acting alone. God established the institution of the Church as a key strategy for building His kingdom and for leading the social revolution required by the gospel - 'on earth as it is in heaven' (Matt. 6:10). Said another way, without the collective and organizing power of churches, the ability of Christians to impact the world is greatly compromised."

December

December is always an intense time to work at a church, and this year has been no exception at North Way.  I have learned that LAMP is particularly busy at this time of year because many LAMP families have needs and people are very interested in helping to meet those needs at this time of year.  As an urban ministry practitioner, December requires me to creatively use my leadership skills and it sometimes tests my cross-cultural relationship building abilities.  The outcomes are generally great, but the work is heavy at this time of year.  I also have a research paper due at the end of December for the DMin, so I've been moving pretty fast lately.

When things are busy or stressful for me as an urban ministry leader and student, I have had to learn how to take care of myself and manage my time.  But most importantly, at these busy times I have learned the importance of being led by God instead of trying to control my circumstances or lead myself.  I often fail at yielding control of ministry activity to God, but I'm trying to become more patient and willing to wait on God's timing.  Today God actually came through in an amazing way in several areas.  It was remarkable!!!  I was tired and worn out, and God intervened and opened up some amazing doors.  As a result, Homewood families will be supported in some amazing ways.  And, today I had the opportunity to have some exciting conversations about God with a few of my mentees.

The bottom line is... when things get difficult and we don't know how things are going to get done, that's usually when God comes through.  I believe that God loves to come through for us in ways that we can never understand.  But we must be willing to give up control and be patient in order for God to be in control of our lives.

Equipping Ourselves to Impact Youth

Today should be a fun day.  This morning I'm working on research for my dissertation, and then this afternoon I'll be spending time with five LAMP kids.  We were hoping to go snow tubing, but I just found out that the place we were planning to go is not open for the season yet.  I'm sure we'll still find something fun to do together, though.

It's important for people who work with at-risk youth to prepare themselves by being up to date on the latest strategies and youth development models.  Most people probably won't prepare themselves by doing a doctorate degree, but it's still important to look at the research that is out, read lots of books and articles, and discuss those findings with colleagues. 

Then, go spend time with kids to work those ideas out in context.  By the way, the most important thing we can all do to equip ourselves to reach at-risk youth is spend time in the Bible and connecting with God in the best ways that we know to do that.  Knowledge is just knowledge if we don't apply it to life, and reading the Bible to learn more about God is just a bunch of knowledge about God if we don't work that knowledge out in our lives.

It's All About God and Relationships

Recently a kid from Homewood asked me, "Mr. B. Why did you move to Homewood?"  I found myself kind of fumbling for an anwer.  I didn't think that he would understand that I am applying incarnational leadership principles in order to contribute to the process of transformation in Homewood.  Urban ministry models raced through my brain, and I could have talked about so many aspects of the calling that God has given our family to reach people in Homewood.  Eventually, I just answered "Well, we moved here because of the relationships we have with you guys (our mentees) through LAMP.  We wanted to be closer to all of you... to experience what you experience... to be closer to you in case you need us... in short, we just want to be better mentors."

I moved to Homewood for many different reasons.  I love the relationships I have with the kids in Homewood.  I love Pittsburgh.  I love Homewood.  I want to be obedient when God asks me to do something.  I want to be a more effective leader.  I want my life to be real.  I want to take risks.  I want to give myself away for others.  But at the end of the day, my move to Homewood was not about me.  I am not a savior, nor do I ever want to try to be or have other people consider me to be one.  I'm just an ordinary guy.  In fact, I'm nothing without Christ.  And so my move to Homewood is all about about Jesus.  More than anything, I want my young friend to know that Jesus loves him and has a plan and purpose for his life.  And the best way I know how to get that message across to him is by entering his context.  After all, Jesus is moving in his neighborhood in many different ways.  I have chosen to simply join the work that God is doing in Homewood.

How Should Church Leaders Spend Their Time?

I listened for a little while last night to a Christian preacher on the radio.  He made the comment that studying and sermon preparation are extremely important to pastors... so important that people should not bother pastors during the week because they are simply being selfish and cutting into the pastor's study time.  This particular pastor said that he spends at least 24 hours in his office studying for his sermons every week.  He is a very good communicator, and one can tell that he spends a lot of time preparing to preach from the Bible. I can appreciate some good, undistracted study time (I have to force myself to do that sometimes while working on a doctorate degree).  However, this preacher's comments didn't sit well with me.  For some reason there is a mindset out there that church leaders should be sitting at a desk Monday through Friday to be effective.  There is a mindset that church leaders should be sheltered or protected from being with people because that requires too much relational capacity.  For some reason there is a mindset at churches that the Christian experience is about Sunday mornings, and that everything that happens during the week is simply planning for programs and preaching at a building.

I believe that church leaders should spend very little time sitting at their desks doing emails or studying.  Instead they should be out and about visiting with people, both people who go to their church and people who are not Christians.  Church leaders should be expected to have a lot of relational capacity... we shouldn't be guarded from being with people.  I believe theology is hashed out in context, on the streets and in people's homes and at their jobs.  Those are the places that Christian leaders should be spending their time.  The Christian life is not only played out on Sunday mornings.  The Christian life is every day, all day, in messy, complex environments.

I was thinking to myself how absurd that pastor's comments were in light of my experiences as a church leader over the last three or four days.  On Sunday evening one of the kids from my neighorhood was arrested.  His mom and brothers were very upset, so Julie and I dropped what we were doing (mostly resting after church in the morning and mentoring in the afternoon) and we went over to their house in Homewood to see how we could support the family.  Julie ministered to the mom and helped to calm her down while I did my best to try to deescalate two of the brothers (15 and 17 years old) who wanted to go fight the boys who they thought had been responsible for getting their brother arrested.  I spent time with those boys for a couple hours on Monday morning and most of Monday evening (we had them over for dinner).  So much for the study time I had set aside for Monday evening... I instead spent that time with my young friend who was released from the youth detention center that afternoon.  We talked about the next steps in his case, and how I could support him at his court hearing.  After the kids from the neighborhood left on Monday night, I received a call that one of our LAMP families was in desperate need and I would have to change the plans I had for early Tuesday morning in order to engage and support them in their situation.  They were on the brink of being homeless, so we offered for them to stay at our house if needed. I think we may have bought them some more time, and we're working on helping them get into stable housing.  Still, I spent Tuesday morning in their living room supporting the LAMP mentee and his mother.  Tuesday night it was very cold and snowing outside, but many kids still wanted to go to our weekly Tuesday night basketball league at the YMCA in Homewood.  So I drove around all over the place picking up kids who had the farthest walk to get to the Y.  In spite of the weather tons of kids showed up to play basketball, eat pizza, pray together, and hear the gospel message.  "Church" was happening on a cold Tuesday night in Homewood at a basketball gym... and I didn't even have to study in my office for 26 hours to prepare!

I am not trying to point at my life and say that I have everything all figured out about how to be a church leader.  There are many different roles in the Church.  I just play one small part.  However, I do believe strongly that Christian leaders should be out in the world, not just on Sunday morning, mixing it up relationally with all kinds of people (not just other Christians or people who go to our churches).  Church leaders, especially urban church leaders, should treat their cities and neighborhoods like a parish.  We should head out of our offices and into the streets, homes, hospitals, schools, and businesses in our area.  "Church" happens throughout the week, too.  We should not turn our spirituality on and off, or over progam ourselves for Sunday morning experiences so that we don't have time throughout the week to doing anything other than prepare for sermons or plan program activity.

Urban Ministry with a Family

People are often curious about how Julie and I raise our family in Homewood, and how we do ministry together as a family.  We do not by any means have family life all figured out, and there are many challenges that come with urban ministry.  But our work together in Homewood has been a tremendous blessing for us as a family, and I know that we are right where God wants us to be.  He may call us to go somewhere else some day, but for now we're really loving where we live and the work with youth that God has called us to.

In his book Restoring At-Risk Communities, John Perkins suggests some key elements of doing ministry as a family. Here they are:

• When God calls you into Christian community development, he calls you as a family.  You cannot separate your ministry from the rest of your life.  If you try, those who share your life will suffer and so will your service.
• A husband and wife must have a unified vision and must support each other in their individual roles.  The two must keep their relationship solid and affirm each other continually in their mutual contribution to the ministry.
• It's great when both spouses hear God's call together, but many times one may hear the call more clearly than the other.  This is when trust and mutual submission become important.
• A home is not a house or a place or anything immovable.  Home is a condition of the spirit.  We must be able to let go of places and property when the Lord calls us and carry our "home" to the next location.
• It may be cliche, but it's still true: the family that prays together stays together.  Teach your children to love God and to serve him, so that they can grow into the same commitment to people and to ministry that drives their parents.
• Relocation is more than moving into a community.  It means taking on the problems and concerns of that community.  My neighbors' needs are my needs, and their struggles are my struggles.
• Suffering for the sake of the gospel is a privilege, and some may be ready and willing to do it.  But parents must also be ready to allow their children to suffer for the gospel, especially if it serves the community.
• Christian community development may present challenges to the health, safety, and emotional well-being of the family.  But by relying on God, families can overcome these obstacles as a unit and reap miraculous benefits.
• The family is at once a defense and a weapon against the very forces that are seeking to break down our communities.
• As you count the costs of community development, don't forget to count the blessings.

An Evening of Ice Skating

Last night one of my mentees celebrated his 16th birthday.  I picked up four of his friends who are also in LAMP, and we had a great evening of fun together.  We went out to eat at my mentee's favorite restaurant, and we went ice skating at the North Park ice skating rink.  I started taking this group ice skating when we first began hanging out together five years ago, and they always want me to take them there.  It's kind of one of those funny things where my mentees have become infatuated with ice skating.  They're actually getting pretty good at it (not that I'm an expert on judging ice skating talent).

I'm not very good at ice skating, so when I take them I generally take a few awkward laps around the rink to get everyone going and then I kind of hang out on the side rail or inside in the heated space to watch them.  I love doing that now, because I have great one on one discussions with my mentees at the skating rink.  Usually one at a time they come over to me to rest and watch their friends, so we chat about all kinds of stuff.  We talk about whatever is on their minds... girls, school, college, jobs, driving, music, etc.  Those moments capture the magic of mentoring for me.  Kids really open up about their lives when they are in a relationship with someone they trust, and when the conversations are not programmed or staged in a sterile counseling office or school classroom.

Another important thing to remember is that although I do connect with my mentees when I take them out of their environment in Homewood, I also make sure to spend just as much, if not more, intentional time connecting with them in Homewood... in their schools, in their homes, in the streets, at places like the YMCA, in my home, and so on.  Some people may criticize LAMP because our mentors take mentees out of their environment to have fun, but LAMP mentors also enter into their mentees' environments to spend time with them on their turf.  I think that philosophy is key to the LAMP strategy for reaching kids in Homewood.  I have seen many well-intended programs fail to reach at-risk youth because the leaders or volunteers are unwilling or afraid to enter into the context of the kids they are attempting to impact.  I think those types of programs can confuse kids.  We need to help our mentees figure out life in their context, and we should be careful not to train kids to think that everything good and interesting happens outside of their neighborhood.  So my mentees and I go ice skating in the suburbs, and we play paper football at lunch time in their schools.  We go to the libray in Oakland, and we go to the libray in Homewood.  We go to Pitt football games at Heinz Field, and we toss the football around while dodging cars in the streets of Homewood.  Contextualization is an important part of reaching modern young people.

Transforming the Lives of At-risk Youth

This morning I had the opportunity to spend a couple hours with a relatively new friend of mine who leads an organization that impacts at-risk youth in several countries in Latin America.  His organization is currently in the process of implementing LAMP in their context, and I am planning on visiting Honduras this Spring to help them out.  I'm curious to research (as a chapter of my dissertation) how LAMP works in a global context, and he is interested in taking the work that his organization is doing to the next level.  Hopefully our relationship will continue to have real positive outcomes for the youth that we work with.  Today I was able to steward what I have been learning at BGU on behalf of the kids who are being reached by his organization in Latin America.  Here are a few themes from our conversation:

• Christians should be intentional about the transformation of the lives of the at-risk youth we work with.  Too many Christians settle for compassion, which is the low-hanging fruit of ministry to kids who are struggling in urban environments.  We give out coats and toys, and we may help with other physical needs.  We may focus on evangelism with words, but we fail to help the kids connect their relationship with Christ to their physical needs.  Christian leaders who work with at-risk youth in America and around the world should be working toward the holistic transformation of the kids through both compassion and justice.
• Youth development models and missions models matter.  Anybody who chooses to work with at-risk youth should be experts in the theory behind what they do... viewing themselves as practitioners of work with youth.  Leadership matters when it comes to working with at-risk youth, and organizations and institutions involved in that noble task should be resourcing and equipping leaders to implement some of the great strategies that are out there with the young people they work with in their context.
• We live in a complex, globalizing, urbanizing, pluralistic world.  Christians should not be naive about those things. We must be empowered and equipped to make a difference in that type of world.  Too often Christians try to search for quick fixes or easy answers to the complex problems in this world.  To put it simply, that perspective that is rampant throughout modern Christendom is completely unacceptable and ineffective.  Christians should be seeking to understand culture and the complexities in our modern world so that we can be leaders on the forefront of impacting the world in the 21st century.  We should be out in front, not dragging our feet or lagging behind or creating little Christian bubbles for ourselves.  We must engage culture and be equipped to do so in order to transform the world as followers of Christ.

My friend and I discussed other topics as well, but my point in sharing all of this is that I am trying to demonstrate how important it is for Christians in the world today to engage culture and get involved in transforming the lives of at-risk youth.  The Church is the most profound change agent in the world that God has ever established.  Right now is our time to shine.  We should not be living in fear about the uncertainty in the world, or withdrawing from society, or be intimidated about the complexities of problems facing modern at-risk youth.  LAMP in Pittsburgh, and my friend's organization in Latin America, have been called to the front lines.  And we should prepare ourselves as Christians that way.  God has called all of us to make a difference in the transformation of this world for God's purposes.

Finding Meaning in the Journey

Young people from Homewood usually drop by our house just about every day.  One of our favorite things to do is to welcome the kids into our home and ask how their days went.  Sometimes we only have the kids stay for a couple of minutes before we send them on their way to resume their life journeys.  Sometimes we'll invite the kids to visit with us for a while and stay for dinner, like we did tonight with some of the boys from the neighborhood.  Julie's meatloaf, which was originally intended to feed four, somehow turned into dinner for nine (OK... a slight boost from impromptu grilled cheese was needed to fill out the meal for everyone).

When we visit with kids from Homewood, we are building relationships but we are also being very intentional about the time we spend with them.  We do a lot of listening, and the kids are curious to know how we are doing.  When the kids tell us things, we rarely try to fix their problems or trivialize their triumphs by dumping a bunch of principles on them.  We try to connect with kids at the heart, or spirit, level.  Life is a journey, and we just happen to be a part of their journey and they happen to be a part of our journey.  We help to orient one another in God's Story.  That's essentially what mentoring is. 

Modern young people have very few people who try to connect with them at a heart level, and as a result many young people go through life either lost or by playing it safe.  This point is where many programs miss the mark.  People come up with great ideas for programs to help kids, but the programs often miss the all important goal of connecting with kids at the heart level.  I'm convinced that most programs aimed at helping at-risk youth don't fail because they're not organized... they fail because they miss the point of connecting with the hearts of kids.  That's why leadership matters... because implementation in youth programming really matters.  A bunch of words on a piece of paper describing a youth program or development model are just a bunch of words on paper unless the adults involved actually do the hard work of connecting with the youth at a heart level over a long period of time.  Modern young people are searching for meaning in life, not programs.  There are no quick fixes when designing programming for at-risk youth.  All programming should stem from a solid foundation of relationships that are connecting at the heart level.  Too many people build programs first, and then they try to build relationships with the youth last.  That's a much harder road to travel when it comes to transforming the lives of at-risk youth.

One of my good friends, Jay D'Ambrosio, shares some great insight on this subject in his book Rethinking Adolescence.  As an experienced educator and counselor, he understands how important it is for adults to address adolescents at the heart level and not just the mind or body as many institutions that attempt to reach young people are in the habit of doing.  We can help young people to find their hearts, and their meaning in life, by joining into their journeys.  He writes, "The young people we work with and love must be made aware of the importance of the journey, and that life is more than just random, meaningless events.  They need to know that the journey is good, even if it is often painful.  Their journey, their story, as Tolkien suggests, intersects with the stories of countless others, comprising the Great Story begun at the moment of Creation.  We have an opportunity to intersect with and influence the journey of the young, and they will in turn add to our own story, and we will become better for it.  They need to know that the journey will reveal their true identity, the person who the world so desperately needs them to be.  We will begin to see this as well."  Maybe that should be LAMP's new tag line:  "LAMP mentors help young people find meaning in their journeys so that they can be who the world desperately needs them to be."  I guess that's more interesting than a tag line like:  "LAMP... just another program trying to help kids with principles, planning, data and the latest models in youth development."

Decent Christians

In America, complacency is an easy thing to fall into.  As Christians, we get comfortable.  We may have a faith in God, but we still try to control our lives.  We play it safe.  The goal seems to be that being a Christian means that we should be a nice, moral, good person.  The problem is, that is not Christianity.  Following Christ is risky... an adventurous journey filled with many ups and downs. 

When speaking of the church in America, David Platt writes, "When we gather at the building, we learn to be good.  Being good is defined by what we avoid in the world.  We are holy because of what we don't participate in (and at this point we may be the only organization in the world defining success by what we don't do).  We live decent lives in decent homes with decent jobs and decent families as decent citizens.  We are decent church members with little more impact on the world than we had before we were saved.  Though thousands my join us, ultimately we have turned a deaf ear to billions who haven't even heard his name."

God has so much more for us than that!  God is on mission to redeem the world, and he has designed a significant role for each of us to play on a daily basis.  Life is a dangerous journey full of adventure and risk.  It will require all that we have, but thankfully we don't have to depend on our own efforts to make it through.  God leads the way, and we follow Christ as best as we can.  We should not shrink back and play it safe.  I don't think God is really interested in how nice or good we think we are, or how much bad stuff we avoided in our lives.  He doesn't want us to bury our talents.  We are all called to be stewards of everything... to give ourselves away to others on behalf of God.  Everything about our lives... our job, our finances, our time, our families, and yes, even our churches... should reflect the fact that we have embraced risk as the central theme to our lives so that we can join God's mission to all of humanity.  God has designed each of us to impact the world, and we can't do that when we're avoiding it.

Fresh Perspectives

At the YMCA in Homewood last night one of my good friends, Leo, shared some things about his relationship with God with around 30 boys.  It was very interesting because he connected his experiences from being a first round draft pick in the NFL and the ups and downs in his playing career with how God helped him navigate through many challenges. 

One of the boys I've mentored over the past five years was there last night, and my mentee started to ask Leo some good questions about God.  He has also had many ups and downs in his life, so something about Leo's message really resonated with him.  While all of the other boys and volunteers played basketball, Leo sat down with my mentee and they chatted about God for about 15 minutes.  When they were done talking, my mentee walked over to me to hang out and watch the games.  I told him, "You know, we've talked before about a lot of those questions you asked.  You could have just asked me."  And he kind of smiled and said, "Mr. B., I already knew what you were going to say about those questions.  I just wanted to hear about Jesus from someone else's perspective." 

It kind of hit me in that moment that my mentee does not attend a church (he goes with me every once in a while), though he does have a relationship with God.  He and I talk about God all the time, but it's almost always while we're hanging out somewhere in Homewood, at a sports event in Pittsburgh, driving around, or while we're sharing dinner together at my house.  He is getting his questions about God answered with Christians who are intentionally meeting him in his environment where he is at.  I think that in the long term, for his spiritual maturity, it will be good to get him connected to a church.  But for now, he is learning about God in many different ways and in many different contexts.  He is seeking out different perspectives, and he is contextualizing his relationship with God.  Those are good things.  I should not be worried about controlling his Christian experience or anything like that.  I just need to plant seeds, and I know God will continue to reach my mentee through other people as well.  That's how God often works.