Monday, May 27, 2013

A Visitor at My Door

The doorbell rings late on a Sunday evening. It's a 17 year old young man from my the next street over. He's one of reasons we moved into this urban neighborhood. He's a person whose story has intersected with my story. Our journeys through life are connected because God caused our stories to collide.

He was a fourth grader who was falling through the cracks at his school when we first met seven years ago. He was in trouble all of the time, he missed a lot of school, and he was failing miserably academically. At that time, I was just a guy who had moved back to Pittsburgh to raise my family closer to my extended family. I was unemployed at that time, regretting ever leaving the good life I had in California. I had been searching for a job in education for over a year to no avail. I had showed up at this elementary school to volunteer to help my church get a mentoring program up and going. Little did I know that kids like this, in this little neighborhood, through a mentoring program that looked like a long shot, would actually change the path of my life forever.

On this particular evening, my young friend has no sense of urgency as to why he decided to stop by my family's house for a visit. There have been plenty of those "urgent" visits in the past, but on this evening I'm guessing that he has just stopped by because he wanted to visit with us. He always has an open invitation to stop by to visit us, or to eat dinner with us, or just to have a safe place to escape from these streets for a little while.

He is huge now, seven years after I initially met him at his elementary school. He has tattoos all over his body. His pants sag below his waist. He attends an alternative school for "bad kids." He has been locked up in the youth detention center four times. He has a probation officer because he has committed crimes in order to survive. He's probably the kind of kid that people go out of their way to avoid who lives on a street in a neighborhood that people go out of there way to avoid.

I don't see him that way, though. I don't see him as bad or dangerous or stupid or any of those things. To me, he is valuable. He is a chosen one. A follower of Jesus Christ, created in the image of God. He has a soft heart, even though he acts tough. He is an orphan. His dad abandoned him when he was four years old. He remembers his dad's last words to him on the way out the door were, "What are you crying about you little bitch." Then his dad went to jail and he didn't see him for a long time. His mom told her young son, "I'm your mom and your dad, now." This little guy would get his mom a card on Mother's Day and Father's Day because he honestly thought of her that way.

Then, on a seemingly ordinary day a couple years ago, his mother died unexpectedly in her son's arms. Confusion. Tears. Anger. Pain. In an instant, he became an orphan. He became one of the ones that Jesus values the most. I grieved with him. His mom was an amazing woman. She was the neighborhood mom on Hamilton Avenue. And, just like that, she was gone. He has bounced around between family members and friends since then. He's bounced around between schools. He's bounced around between being locked up and being free. He still follows Jesus passionately. I know. I was there when he gave his life to Christ. I gave him his first Bible. I discipled him. I walked with him through all of the ups and downs. I'm committed to walking through life with him.

My daughters think of him as their brother. He is overprotective of them like he actually is their older brother. My wife thinks of him as her son. He is not our son, obviously, but my wife thinks of him that way. He is an orphan. How can she not avoid having her maternal instinct kick in? He may not look like the orphans that we all see on TV from far off countries, but he is an orphan right here in our midst, right here in our country, in our city, in our neighborhood. He is becoming a part of our family. He is becoming a part of our story.

My friend's visit last night did have a purpose. It was a God-ordained purpose. He talked. I listened. I talked. He listened. He drank a soda. I sipped on some ice water. He ate ice cream with vanilla wafers (his favorite). We sat at my kitchen table. We talked about all kinds of things... school, girls, tattoos, guns, music, his brothers, getting robbed, fighting back, probation, culinary classes, pets, and all kinds of other things. We talked about God. God was interwoven throughout the conversation. God was with us the whole time, actually. Jesus has been there throughout the seven years that we've known each other. God has worked through people like my young friend to give me a passionate calling and a profound sense of purpose in life. God is doing a great work in the life of my friend. I can see it, even if nobody else can. I love watching God work in his life. I praise God for unexpected visitors at my door.

3 comments:

Brad Street said...

It's wonderful to hear about the good work you are doing. I've just recently found the Journeymen podcast and that led me to your blog. I was wondering if you could recommend any resources on mentoring or finding a mentor. I've only been a follower of Christ for 3 years but I feel a connection to mentoring younger men as well as being a good example for my young son. I feel a calling as well to find a mentor for myself. Thank you for your time.

Bryan McCabe said...

Thanks for the comment, Brad. If you live in Western Pennsylvania, you can begin the process of becoming a mentor by connecting with an organization called Family Guidance. I have a link to their website on this blog. If you live in a different place, check out national organizations such as The Mentoring Project or MENTOR. They can help you to get connected with a mentee. In terms of getting mentored, I think that's as simple as finding an older guy that you admire at a local church and asking him to meet with you consistently (once a week or every other week).

Some good books on mentoring are "The Fatherless Generation" by John Sowers, "The Way of the Wild Heart" by John Eldredge, or "Reclaiming our Prodigal Sons and Daughters" by Larson and Brendtro. Eldredge's book, in particular, will be a great resource for you in raising your son and mentoring other young men.

Brad Street said...

I appreciate your quick response. I live in Central PA, I've just begun thinking about this. It's something that has really been growing within me. My initial thoughts are of something that resembles the boy scouts because I enjoy camping, hiking, canoeing, hunting and fishing. We are in a rural area so I wouldn't have the easy access that living in the city affords you. I remember you had said that you actually moved to the city to be closer to the kids. And my son is only 4, but I would love to be the house all his friends come to hang out at as you seem to have. I assume "The way of the Wild Heart" is a companion to "Wild at Heart". Anyway thank you for the suggestions, I'll definitely look into them. Also thanks for your example of what a mentor can accomplish. Best wishes.