About God, or About Me?

For a long time now, God has been breaking my heart for the things that break his heart in this world. For some reason, God seems to open my eyes to injustices around me and he often calls me to act and speak up prophetically. Sometimes I do a decent job of maintaining self control and grace in communicating what God puts on my heart, and sometimes my passion gets the best of me. It's as if I must speak up, and I must take risks and go all in when God calls me to do something... regardless of how the outcome might impact me. In my calling as a pastor in the city, I experience many of lifes ups and downs. God oftens asks me to do difficult things and say difficult words even if these things come with a cost. Often the cost seems to be personal, with me spending myself on behalf of others. Often, the cost impacts my family, my friendships, or my relationships with people at the church or in my neighborhood.

What God has been showing me recently is that sometimes I get it right, and I speak the prophetic words that God puts on my heart at just the right time. Or, I go into a dangerous situation at just the right time, and God is glorified. All of my words and actions should glorify God. However, sometimes I get it wrong. I say the wrong things at the wrong times. I do the wrong things at the wrong times. I make the ministry about me and my agenda instead of about God and God's agenda to redeem the world. I sin. And this is life on the front lines that God has called me to. Tremendous break throughs and tremendous pain. Giving God the glory, and then turning around and mistakenly giving myself the glory. Obedience and disobedience. Self control and sin. Passion unleashed, and pride unleashed.

Thankfully, God is quick to forgive me because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross for me. And, thankfully, the people I live with, develop friendships with, and serve God with are very forgiving and understanding of the intensity of the calling that God has given me. My prayer is that God would continue to refine me as an urban ministry practitioner, and that I would become better and better at dying to my self so that God might me glorified. I pray that God would give me discernment to know when to advocate passionately against the profound injustices that happen in my own city, right in my own neighborhood. I pray that God would continue to transform me into a better man, a better husband, a better father, a better friend, a better pastor, and a better leader. I hope I get better at loving and giving grace, and that I become more bold in speaking prophetically on behalf of people who are oppressed and marginalized in this world. I pray most of all that I can be a better follower of Jesus.