Acting Dreams With Open Eyes

I'm a dreamer. My wife is a planner. So of course, God united us together to take on this adventure called life! Not to oversimplify things, but most of the decisions that impact our family can be broken down into these two categories (dreamer versus planner). I think that it can lead to a healthy set of checks and balances, or it can lead to tension and frustration with the other person. Thankfully, Julie is also my best friend, and it usually ends up just being a healthy balance. I always want to go out to eat, and Julie usually wants to stay at home to consume the food which was carefully planned out as a part of our grocery budget each month. If we have a few hours together as a family, I usually want to go out on a family adventure (museums, exploring, trying new things), and Julie likes to find creative activities to do together at our house. The word "budget" usually causes a painful reaction from me and a warm reception from Julie.

I can't speak for Julie, but I can speak into what it is like to be a dreamer. My mind is constantly on the prowl for the next adventure. Some of the adventures feel like they are just written on my heart, and I "can't not" think about taking on new risks and challenges. On a day to day basis, I have a hard time sitting still. I could never work in a cubical every day! I need to be out and about, taking on new things with each passing moment. On a long term basis, I really struggle with predictability. Our family has moved seven times in eleven years. Even though we are settled in Pittsburgh, I feel like I need to travel as an outlet for my dreamer personality (i.e. Maui, Seattle, California, Costa Rica, and Mexico City over the past couple of years). I don't know why... my mind just seems to "go there."

I know God designed me this way. T.E. Lawrence said, "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did." I want to live life like that... to act my dreams with open eyes. Full out, wreckless abandon for God. I want to be dangerous for God. With Jesus leading the way, I want to make a huge impact for the Kingdom before all is said and done. I believe that being a dreamer suits me well for work in urban ministry. The drawback, of course, is focus. I need to surround myself with folks who will hold me accountable to keeping focused on things. I am glad for the planners in my life.

The Example of Nehemiah

Last night I was listening to an AM radio show that was taking local callers to weigh in on the recent beating of an 18 year old boy from Homewood by three police officers. It was a very controversial subject for sure, and people called in to express their opinions which were wide-ranging. The topic of racial profiling came up frequently, with some folks being strongly in favor of it and some folks being strongly against it. Since it happened in Homewood, people were making all kinds of generalizations about the neighborhood... "it's like this" or "it's like that." I wonder if those callers had ever actually spent any time getting to know the people who live in Homewood, or were they just expressing opinions about a place they had never been to and only heard negative things about?

The radio show was fascinating because the issue brought to the surface many stereotypes or opinions that most people do not ordinarily express out loud (especially in a public forum). Some blamed the problems in Homewood on personal brokenness, and other blamed the problems on systematic brokenness. The truth is that there are many different reasons for brokenness (since we live in a fallen world with both personal and systematic evil). As Christians, we are called to lean into solving these issues even though there is a temptation to run away from messy issues (especially those involving race and culture). Also, no person is really qualified to give an opinion on what is wrong with Homewood or how to fix Homewood until they have actually spent time in the neighborhood, getting to know the people and the systems. For a fascinating case study on this, just read the book of Nehemiah in Old Testament. Before Nehemiah did one thing to fix the city from afar, he traveled to Jerusalem to listen and take things in. His heart broke, and then he acted powerfully on both a personal and systematic justice level. He presents a great model for how Christians should address complex urban issues of brokenness.

Encounter God in the City

Yesterday morning I opened the blinds of my office window and was struck by the beauty of what I saw. It was grey and overcast (as usual in Pittsburgh), but I noticed how much I am learning to love the city. As you look out my window, the green grass in my back yard gives way to my garage. Behind that, you see a broken down building with graffiti painted over it and old shoes on the roof (pretty random). Then, you can see through a row of trees to the bus way which is full of buses and trains in a constant flow of production. Next in line, you can clearly see huge warehouse buildings and factories which are monuments to Pittsburgh's blue collar manufacturing history. The hilltops behind the warehouses show off the beautiful mansions of Point Breeze and Squirrel Hill, and trees that grow up out of Frick Park. God is definitely in the city. I thought to myself, "This should be a painting. It's amazing!" Just then, my daughter, Kyra, came into the room, looked out the window, and said, "Daddy, that should be a painting. It's beautiful!" I am so happy that we are learning to encounter God in the city. Many people become somewhat biased towards cities, thinking that cities are evil and that God only exists in nature (or the suburbs).

I'm reading Dr. Randy White's latest book called "Encounter God in the City: Onramps to Personal and Community Transformation." He begins the book by writing, "Ever notice how there's a spectacular nature scene on the cover of just about every devotional guide or Bible study book: a thundering waterfall, a golden sunset, a snow-peaked mountain? There's never a graffiti-covered wall, a cyclone fence with laundry hanging on it, the faces of inner-city kids or the familiar tangle of concrete onramps and offramps. How could those things have anything to do with the roaring and magnificent themes of faith and the soverignty of God? Judging from the cover of my quite-time guide, if I want to commune with God, I apparently need a rainbow or a river to inspire me. Rail depots and rusty rebar just won't do the trick. Yet many fine scholars have acknowledged that the Bible identifies cities as a key focus of God's attention."

I want to love Pittsburgh and its people like Jesus does. God is in nature and in cities.

The Power of Rest

I am taking the day off today. More importantly, I have unplugged from the city and ministry to immerse myself in nature. Getting away for me is something that requires intentionality. It is important to sustain my relationship with God for my own well being and that of others that I impact as a leader. When I am in Homewood I am often fully immersed in either family life, ministry work, or studying. It is difficult to find time to reflect... I'm not complaining, that is just the stage of life that I am in at the moment. A lot is required of me. Ironically, the more that is required of a man, the more rest he needs.

Contemplation and reflection do not come naturally to me. I tend to be more driven and task-oriented, so when I do slow down it feels very foreign to me. I almost don't know what to do with myself. Literally. In fact, I am writing this blog entry right now because I am trying to rest and be contemplative and I can only sit still in silence for so long... so... time to write!

This is what's on my heart about rest and contemplation. How about you? Specifically, how do you slow down the pace of life? I like to travel (get away from it all), listen to music, read, write, and go for walks (in nature or in the city). I can often connect with God and replenish my energy in these ways. How do you connect with God?

A Sledding Incident

Over the weekend I went sled riding with my family and two mentees who I have been working with for several years. When we arrived at the hill, my mentees told me that they noticed that they were the only African American people there. There were several different hills, and I told them that they were free to ride any of the hills... just try not to run into any trees or "take out" any little kids. Well, about 3o minutes into our time there I crossed paths with them while walking up the hill and they were very upset. One of them had bumped into a little boy at the bottom of a hill, knocking him over (he wasn't hurt), and the mother of the boy was not happy. I said, "don't be upset... put yourself in the mom's shoes. She didn't like her little boy being knocked over, even if you couldn't avoid him." They understood that, but they weren't upset about what the mother had said to them. While they were apologizing to the mom, an older woman walked over to them and said, "I've been watching you for the past 3o minutes... ever since you got here. You boys don't belong here. These nice kids are just here having a good time, and they shouldn't have to worry about you people being here." I'm paraphrasing from what the boys told me, but you can see why they were so upset. Now, I had been watching them from a distance because I was nervous that they might run into a tree, so I know that they were not misbehaving at all. There had been absolutely no reason for them to draw any attention to themselves. One of my mentees said, "Mr. Bryan, why was that woman watching us for 30 minutes? That's not right!" I know why they were offended.

I guess I'm writing about this because I want to point out injustices or inappropriate comments when they happen. I was unable to locate the woman in order to defend the boys, or talk to her about her comment. It does not sit well with me, and I can not just be quiet about it or brush it off as "Some people are just ignorant." Maybe that's the case, but there are broader injustices at play that need to be addressed in our society. Almost every time I walk into a store with my mentees, we are followed by an empoyee to make sure the boys don't steal anything. Often when I am in other public places with groups of kids, some people tend to be almost looking for things to go wrong. I don't know... it is hard to describe. I have been pulled over by police with mentees in my car for no reason on several different occasions... without receiving a ticket (I wasn't breaking any laws). They check my ID and ask random questions about the kids who are with me. Some of the officers tell me things like "This is not a safe neighborhood for you to be in" or "I was just checking to see if these kids needed car seats." Right...

Racial discrimination still exists in America. It is evil, and it is painful. I am opening up about some of my mentees' experiences because I am trying to work through how I can respond more responsibly in these types of situations as a mentor. It's not comfortable to talk about openly, but it is important to realize that this goes on because those in positions of power must act when injustices are involved. I should be my mentees' biggest advocates.

Advocacy and Assets

Homewood has popped up in the local media here in Pittsburgh several times this week. Earlier this week a twelve year old girl was missing (she was found later in the evening). Then, yesterday a popular local restaurant had a fire. Several people have mentioned these things to me over the past couple of days, and each conversation tends to reinforce the paradigm that only bad things happen in Homewood. Many people often note that the "news" is really only bad news, and that definitely seems to be the case in Homewood. Often only news of violence or tragedies in the community receive press.

However, as followers of Christ we are called to proclaim Good News. In fact, if you are a Christian, then you have a biblical mandate to advocate for the poor... not speak negatively about them. In "City of God, City of Satan" author Robert Linthicum writes, "God's disposition toward the poor is perhaps one of the most important themes in Scripture... Integral to God's commitment to the poor is Yahweh's assumption that the chief defenders of the poor must be God's prophets, apostles, and people. It is a primary task of the church in the city to be the advocate and champion of those who are poor. We are often their only voice - a voice to which the principalities and powers of the city must listen."

As a Christian, do you speak positively or negatively about the poor? Do you point out the problems with poor people or their assets? Your words have tremendous weight! Please don't become as cynical as the evening news!

All Heart in 2010

It's hard not to get caught up in setting new resolutions at the start of each new year. Julie and I had plenty of time to talk in our nearly 1,000 miles in the car together over the past couple of weeks. These conversations predictably turned to new resolutions that we would be implementing in 2010... how we were going to discipline our lives financially, physically, spiritually, and pragmatically by implementing precise systems designed to make us more efficient in nearly everything we do. But something strange was happening in my heart as we discussed our plans to straighten up... my heart wasn't in it. In fact, the more we applied the pressure the more my heart was sinking as I thought about the increased demands on my time and duties and overall stress level that these activities would surely bring. No... I feel like I actually need to back off in 2010. I need to allow for my heart to grow closer to Jesus, and create the margin in life to be in love with God.

That was what was on my heart, so we decided to read through one of John Eldredge's books called "The Sacred Romance." I really recommend it to you if you are intending to "redouble your efforts" at arranging for life or becoming more disciplined in 2010. Eldredge writes, "For above all else, the Christian life is a love affair of the heart. It cannot be lived primarily as a set of principles or ethics. It cannot be managed with steps and programs. It cannot be lived exclusively as a moral code leading to righteousness... Most Christians have lost the life of their heart and with it, their romance with God."

My New Year's resolution is to intentionally draw my heart closer God's this year. Urban ministry can be draining, so that means it is all the more important that I be intentional about connecting and recharging with my Lord as much as possible. Efficiency and proficiency may be celebrated by the world, but I know that God is not all that impressed with my worldly accomplishments. I want to be in a relationship with God where we are in love, and the journey of life will be mysterious, risky, and unpredictable... not efficient, dutiful, and busy.